Relationships over the internet

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UltraLesus

-chi
Kouhai
Recently I've been chatting to a girl I met on MySpace. We've been chatting for months, which is rare for me. Usually I only talk to my real-life friends over MSN. However, like I said we've been chatting for a while but I never thought of her as anything else other then a internet friend.

Now she's saying she likes me and I'm not sure what to do. I like her, and it would be possible. She doesn't live that far away from me (about 30 minutes by train) so I could easily get down to her every weekend... And she is hot.

I know there are dangers of relationships like this. She's Japanese so at first I just thought she wanted a visa to stay in the UK, but she's over here to study art and has 3 years anyway. She is very pretty and could easily get another guy, and she goes college so theres plenty of guys there. She has the oppertunity to meet someone else. Also, we have webcamed so I know her photos aren't fake...

I'm meeting her soon, and we've said we're not going to flirt or sleep with other people untill we meet and decide if we want to make it official... If all goes well I intend to make her my GF.

I was just wondering what peoples thoughts are on this? Are realtionships like this OK? All past GF's I've had I've met through friends, and never had a releationship start over the internet.

Anyone here have a similiar situation or currently in an internet relationship?
 

chreyzee

-sama
Sempai
It's just like what killorbekilled says.
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We are in the Age of Computers or Cyber Age or Digital Age.
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However you call it, it all means the same. Society, Economics, etc. all revolve around computers nowadays. Didn't you mention that you use MSN to talk with your friends all the time? Is it that different with her?
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Try to be more liberal in your views.

Besides, did you know that Asians are quite tech savvy?
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They are addicted to email, IM, SMS/MMS. They use all forms of electronic communication for their social dealings. And, yes, they do create "relationships" through these media.
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Thus, for her, I think it is pretty normal to meet and date someone over the net (through chat).

QUOTE (UltraLesus @ Jul 01 2007, 08:29 AM)I'm meeting her soon, and we've said we're not going to flirt or sleep with other people untill we meet and decide if we want to make it official... If all goes well I intend to make her my GF.
I, also, think that is the right thing to do. Get to know her well and... well, you decide, right?
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chiisai_hana

-nipah!
Retired
My advice, would be meet her in real life and continue your friendship for a while. Knowing someone online, and knowing someone in real life are different things. I have an online friend I've met, and it turned out we both act completely different in real life than online! We're still friends and as we met through fandom, it's something we're able to share together that we can't always share with other friends.

My cousin tried online dating. The guy wasn't a complete stranger, they had a mutual real life friend. He eventually moved near her and they went to the same school. But after a year, she realized he wasn't as great as he had seemed. And when she broke up with him, things didn't get much better. Their relationship had started out completely sweet - he use to mail her gifts and things, but it ended badly and our family just doesn't mention him around her. It's one bad experience, and I'm sure many people have had successful online relationships, but you can never truly know someone online in my opinion. Meeting someone face to face is a different experience because it's a lot harder to hide things. There were no bad flags when my cousin began her relationship, but time revealed the truth.
 

Nightdragon

TSiF-Tearraven
Retired
I have had an online relationship once... and actually, if you guys knew who it was you would be surprised.... but anyways
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I think that all you need in long-distance/online relationships is trust. Without the trust, there is no love, and without the love, there is no relationship. I am sure everyone would agree with me on that.

As for this girl, you were start to think they she might use you as a visa to stay in the country. VERY SMART INDEED! Nice job. If you like her and if she is cool and everything then go for it man. Just remember one thing though.... if you two stay together for the 3 years... you will need a way to get her to stay longer somehow....
 

UltraLesus

-chi
Kouhai
chiisai has a good point, and something I wasn't worried about untill it was mentioned
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What if she's different in real-life? But then, thats why we're waiting untill we've met before it's 'official'.

Also to Nightdragon. Yeah, that was my first thought. You hear about stories like that all the time. But, then if that was the case, she wouldn't need me. She's really, really, really pretty and could easily get a better guy then me. I'd post a picture, but I'm a little iffy on posting a picture of someone else, without their permission. Just take my word for it.
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There's quite a lot to say on this subject. It's true thanks to internet, and the sudden growth in popularity of internet dating, that alot of people are OK with it. But one thing I've been thinking about recently is how can feelings develop over the internet? Guys are simple. We think with out wangs. She's fun to talk to and hot. I'm sold. But I still don't understand the female side of things. I know women are more relational then men. With past GF's I never really understood why they was with me, or what they liked. I just asked them out, they said yes and I just went with it. I never gave an thought to the motive behind them actually liking me.

But she was the one who said she liked me... how can she know if she's never spent time with me in person? We seem to argue like a couple
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but even thats different over MSN. Is it truly what a guy says thats wins you women over?

Can you truly fall for someone just by looking at the sentences they wright?

Maybe I'm thinking too much into this...
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ubermensch

-san
Kouhai
QUOTE (chiisai_hana @ Jul 01 2007, 11:14 AM) My advice, would be meet her in real life and continue your friendship for a while. Knowing someone online, and knowing someone in real life are different things. I have an online friend I've met, and it turned out we both act completely different in real life than online! We're still friends and as we met through fandom, it's something we're able to share together that we can't always share with other friends.
i totally agree with chisaii here cuz even if she likes you and really is sincere(not fake) she still might be verrry different personality-wise in real life than online...cuz according to my friends and whoever i talk to online i appear totally neurotic,over-energetic and stark mad over the internet(mails or chatting)...when i heard this i thought they were crazy but then i realised that i am a lil bit too in-your-face online...i really dont know why it is cuz im totally against being pretentious in front of anyone but still i seem to be more calm in front of people-i appear just little enthusiastic...and often enough people who just talk to me online dont like me and then when we start talkin in real life they are totally taken aback-they'll be like i thought you were a total bastard but you're actually so sweet and stuff which is verry wierd for me cuz i think im always the same anyway...so after you meet her definately talk to her in real life as friends for 3 months or so before making her your GF
 

Yanosuke

-san
Sempai
geez.. i'm posting.. just an exception to give you my good advice.
go and meet her as fast as you can. you may end up horribly regretting it otherwise.
oh, and yes. relationships like this are perfectly normal. I've seen some of them happen with a married couple in the end. Don't feel ashamed because it started over the internet. You're not talking to a computer, you're talking to a real person.
and yes, people may act different when they're online, hence just like your own suggestion, you should meet her in person first before giving it some serious thought.
as a side note, i'm not completely behind that statement...
 

chiisai_hana

-nipah!
Retired
QUOTE (UltraLesus @ Jul 01 2007, 02:34 PM)Can you truly fall for someone just by looking at the sentences they wright?
Since this is the thoughtful section, I'm going to go beyond your circumstance here.

I think you can fall in love with the person you think is writing the sentences. It's not that hard to trick someone online - people do it all the time. Sending pictures isn't reliable either, because how do you know it's really that cute girl? That's why parents should be watching what their children do online. Maybe a thirteen year old thinks she's talking to a cute boy who's only a year or so older, but when she goes to meet him, he turns out to be a child predator who is a lot older. Even the police trick people online, whether to lure in criminals or to teach people the dangers of online relationships.

We had a police officer come into my highschool to talk about just that. He conversed with a young teenage girl online and finally agreed to meet up with her. Well, she got quite a shock when she met him! They contacted her parents, and I'm sure she got quite the lecture because it could've been a lot worse.


It's also very easy to misinterpret things online. One of the first forums I was on, there was another forum member I use to joke around with a lot. Apparently people thought we were dating! It was completely bizarre and I hadn't even intended for it to be interpreted more than just what it was ... joking (because he had a girlfriend who was another forum member!) It's hard to convey feelings just through typing. You probably all have experienced this ... you make a joke and people think you're being serious. It's really hard to be sure what someone is thinking when you just have text staring back at you!

And about what ubermensch said about acting different ... most of my real life friends won't talk to me online because I scare them
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Apparently I'm really hyperactive and just insane, which is the exact opposite of how I act when you meet me face to face. Actually, one girl I met this year at school said she always thought I was really scary and serious until she talked to me
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ughh ... I need to find a balance between the two ....!!
 

Noshi

-sama
Retired
QUOTE (Yanosuke @ Jul 01 2007, 10:01 PM)
and yes, people may act different when they're online, hence just like your own suggestion, you should meet her in person first before giving it some serious thought.
as a side note, i'm not completely behind that statement...
Lol, how much the same/different was I from TeamSpeak? XDD
I'm not sure... but I think for some ppl.. internet stuff has more effect than for another person... Like when someone says *I like you* in a friendly way, while the other goes all head over heels about it...
Some ppl really get luck over the internet though.. others just fail.. and I'm talking about the majority that probably would fail
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I think friendship goes totally well over the internet... and will be the same irl
Love over the internet is different imo... just depends yeah... like everyone already said.. meet first... that's a first rule irl and internet XDD
 

SecondMoon

-chi
Kouhai
Its hard to say, some people are different on the phone then in real life and some people are not.

Just be honest and trust each other and don't rush things, wait till they fit together~

I recently was in one, and I got really hurt out of it. I made a lot of stupid mistakes. Just be honest, don't cheat, and be sincere.

[MODERATOR's NOTE: Please do not use abbreviations in posts. This is not text messaging and some people will not be able to understand you.]
 

samthebear

-sama
Sempai
well here's my two cents:

personally as a general rule anyone i meet online will only ever be a friend. period. nothing more.
But in your case, if you really like her meet her and just hang out as friends for awhile. if she was really sincere and honest to you she wont lie or intentionally hurt you. just be warned! she isn't going to be perfect =/ so i think you should just meet her and see where that goes ^^

QUOTE (UltraLesus @ Jul 02 2007, 04:34 AM)
Can you truly fall for someone just by looking at the sentences they wright?


i dont think you can really fall 'in love' but you can get to really like that person, its not just sentences, its more of what the person is telling you and showing you about themselves. and you know, about what you said about her being really pretty - it's just how you see her. to the person they may not even appear attractive to themselves (this is especially the case in females... trust me on this count, i'm a girl) so i don't think you should think 'oh shes so pretty she could have anyone else etc etc' that just kinda pushes your self-esteem down...
Just trust your gut instincts it is generally quite reliable
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and most importantly BE YOURSELF! girls love it when guys don't put on a show
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putting on a show is major turn-off.
 

chiisai_hana

-nipah!
Retired
QUOTE (REYOMA @ Jul 05 2007, 08:49 AM)I actually want to try this.I see chiisai_hana is active in this thread,she does not wanna give it a go with me so who wanna try
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I am serious about this.
You never know who you are meeting online ....


QUOTE (REYOMA @ Jul 04 2007, 09:59 AM - SEX Thread)I am 22 and have sex with 2 ppl in my life both girls I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with them.The first one left me I was apparently to soft hearted, loving and she also said I am clingy like a girl but that is just who I am and I am still with the second girl I slept with.
I certainly hope she isn't your girlfriend, if you're trying to pick up girls online! I'd feel really sorry for her. Or are you lying about her and just can't keep your stories straight??

Note: Yes, I am joking. No, you don't have to answer. I'm just making a point about talking to people online and whether you can trust what they say.
 

REYOMA

-dono
Retired
I have no prob answering u.Yes i have a girlfriend and she is cool with me wanting to try out a online relationship,she says something as stupid as this just wont work.U see I am not one that lies actually as long as it is only online she says it's cool cause she actually go to chat rooms and flirt with men and thats fine with me just as long as the guy lives across the world like u guy's do
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She said the same to me
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I really think that something like an online relationship can work even if u not really committed like dating ppl where u live I have no prob infact chiisai_hana my gf says hi
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she read what u wrote.As long as u open in the online relationship it's cool in fact I think it's like being pen pals besides the flirting though
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OMG my gf is cross that I talk to u guy's about her,she don't like me mentioning her and sex in sentences she is a bit shy
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wonder why though.
 

ubermensch

-san
Kouhai
ooh we are getting an active demonstration of this threads topic right here...lucky!!
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-ATTENTION PPL,this thread just got interesting
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...but ur gf better watch out reyoma-the next thing she'll know is you spending all your precious life savings to fly half way across the world lured by the guiles and charm of the dear and lovely chiisai_hana!
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REYOMA

-dono
Retired
QUOTE (ubermensch @ Jul 05 2007, 01:22 PM) ooh we are getting an active demonstration of this threads topic right here...lucky!!
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-ATTENTION PPL,this thread just got interesting
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...but ur gf better watch out reyoma-the next thing she'll know is you spending all your precious life savings to fly half way across the world lured by the guiles and charm of the dear and lovely chiisai_hana!
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OMG I can only wish that comes true,just she is so stubin she does not wanna give me a chance
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Plus I would not mind visiting some other country, I am gonna make chiisai_hana love me and then pay for my ticket
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chiisai_hana

-nipah!
Retired
First off, I'm not being stubborn because I'm not interested, especially in online relationships. As I said earlier in this thread, I've seen one close to me go extremely sour.

Second, we're getting off topic if this discussion continues ... Personal chats should be kept out of the Thoughtful Section.
 

REYOMA

-dono
Retired
KK
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cool I will back off then and about the topic as u can tell I say go for it as long as u keep it spicy and to a minimal no personal data and stuff and have fun cause it is only chatting any way but then again u get that freeks that get to court up on the internet romans and then wanna take it 1 step further by calling on the phone and then soon after they come knocking on ur door.So just keep ur data to ur self and I think u'll be fine
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MikkoHakke

New Member
Kouhai
Well let me give you my two cents on this topic. An online relationship can be anything you want it to be really. It's what you want out of that relationship out of it. It requires a lot of work, and a lot of trust. Honestly, my personality type is unfortunately one of me being clingy, protective, and I can get jealous.

If you are the type of guy that can't have faith and trust in your girl then it can never work. Relationships in general won't work for you if you are controlling and don't have trust in them.

Relationships, especially online ones, take a lot of dedication also. For me, what always began as an IM girl, soon turned into a phone call girl also. My ex was someone who I met online, and we could honestly talk for hours.

However, when I finally met her in person, things turned out kinda bad. I was shy, since i'd never had a real relationship before her. I was always a late developer in things, but thankfully she never got my first kiss.

It all has to do with if a person has baggage and can trust. My ex was unable to trust, and was more than a bit jaded with men. Unfortunately, she had lots of other personality defects I never found out until I got to spent time with her.

I never kissed her, and even being physically close to her seemed to be a problem. She kept her barriers up to me, and me being a clingy person it was a problem. Needless to say, it hurt...a lot.

To complicate matter further, she also verbally abused me; cussing me out because I waited on the wrong side of a building. She was even a barfly and was very solitary from me even when we were on a date together.

Unfortunately, I was too much in love and too loyal to just end things there. In order to escape our relationship, she cheated on me with a male "friend". I caught them cybering together and it upset me a lot.

To make matters worse, I ended up getting dumped 5 days before my birthday and it really stung. Though I got over it rather quickly, and didn't allow myself to lose to her. I wouldn't allow myself to be sad and I tried to be civil despite how she harmed me.

Apparently, she lost to me as she called me out of lonely desperation in November while she was at an airport. By the time Thanksgiving came around the wounds that were on my heart were at least starting to heal; though the ones on my mind are still a bit fresh to even this day.

Since i'm new and you don't know me, let me explain a bit about myself before moving on. I am a very different kind of male, in the fact that I sincerly hate at least 95 percent of the so-called males that walk this Earth. To quote Shin-chan "To be a man you must have honor, honor and a penis"; unfortunately most men only fall under 1/2 of those requirements.

I'll tell you more about my long distance relationship success story later.
 
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