QUOTE (Nioki @ Dec 17 2010, 12:26 AM)But really there are quite a number of, if you think rationally, odd reasons to start fights from. And how easy people get misunderstood.
Actually just now, I got into a fight with a friend over Skype, how I understand from the end of our long conversation, only because I grammatically corrected a word of his, after which he said he doesn't like when he gets corrected and I said - Whats so bad about that? Wise people should make use of that correction. And then the fight started...
I especially hate the fact that when people are angry they are deaf to what others are saying, and see only things that aggravate their anger even more.
And all this happened considering he knows I pay double attention to grammar in Russian since mine is so bad.Â
Oh what to do.. :|
I think the main thing to take note is no one likes to be/feel criticised. Sure some people can take criticism in the sense they do not blow the person off or get overly aggressive/defensive (unfortunately this was not the case with your friend) and are capable of listening and perhaps even improving from this feedback, but ultimately no one likes being criticised.
I guess your friend took offence because you correcting their grammar was seen a slight on them and their ability to speak Russian. It is a difficult thing as some people cannot take criticism even if it is given constructively or/and politely. And this can even apply to a person who otherwise has an outstanding character. You really have to be careful who you criticise; some people can handle it, others need a lot of positive feedback before criticism while others simply cannot take it.
What is also important is the frequency and timing of the criticism. No one wants to be criticised constantly but that is fairly obvious and I don't believe that applies in this case. What could have played a part is the timing of this grammar correction. I don't know the context of the conversation but from personal experience I had people but in when in the middle of a speech. They criticised the fact I was not looking them straight in the eye when talking. Sure this is not quite the same as what happened in your case but I believe the same principles can be applied. I found this interruption quite annoying as I was really into the conversation and this sudden interruption killed the mood for me. To me it seemed like the person was not really interested in what I had to say and was more interested in criticising the small details when I was talking about something quite important which was largely missed. This lack of interest annoyed me just as much as the criticism itself so perhaps (not definitely but perhaps) that was the case with your friend.
In any case I agree with you; the ability to take criticism is important in maintaining any strong relationship - be it platonic or romantic - as the ability to compromise is vital in any long-standing relationship and with compromise there is bound to be some criticism of each others behaviour. So people must be accommodating of others intentions and needs even if it means setting ones ego's aside. This is something your friend should have considered. It certainly not easy to always do this particularly if one has a large ego.
QUOTE (Nioki)And is it just me or do people grow silent in a topic after I make a post?
Ah don't take it personally it is just the forum dying! I have made many posts and no one responded to them; it is not you but rather the lack of people following or willing to post. It is discouraging but try not to get too sad over it. I am sure no one will respond to this post as I do tend to ramble!
So that would be proof it is no personal thing!