Relationship DISCUSSION!
- Thread starter Nightdragon
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QUOTE (warita200 @ Jun 04 2010, 09:12 PM) Men are always on the lookout for something better. Its their nature. Nothing more to say to that.
I disagree with this ALOT. Before i screwed up my mental health and various other things regarding the opisite sex, i was in a relationship for what was just over a year and a half. During that time (and for a good while after she broke up with me) I adored Georgia more than anything in the world, i was happy to be with her and i was very content. She how ever had low selfesteem, especialy with guys liking her. So towards the end (the last 4-5months or so) she actualy tried to get me to look at other women and fall for them instead of her. Even then i refused to do so because she was e3verything to me and i was more than content to stay with her for as long as i could.
I really think thats a very damned unfair generalisation of all males. Yes there a numerous guys like that (its one of the reasons for my depression), but to say its all guys is very harsh and untrue.
I disagree with this ALOT. Before i screwed up my mental health and various other things regarding the opisite sex, i was in a relationship for what was just over a year and a half. During that time (and for a good while after she broke up with me) I adored Georgia more than anything in the world, i was happy to be with her and i was very content. She how ever had low selfesteem, especialy with guys liking her. So towards the end (the last 4-5months or so) she actualy tried to get me to look at other women and fall for them instead of her. Even then i refused to do so because she was e3verything to me and i was more than content to stay with her for as long as i could.
I really think thats a very damned unfair generalisation of all males. Yes there a numerous guys like that (its one of the reasons for my depression), but to say its all guys is very harsh and untrue.
QUOTE Even then i refused to do so because she was e3verything to me and i was more than content to stay with her for as long as i could.
Can you swear this would hold true if you just happened to meet say...
Scarlett Johannsen
And she was all like "Love at first sight I gotta take you home kiddo." ..?
The key to what warita said is "something better."
It's sad but true.
It stems from the fact that we men have a nearly limitless supply of gametes,
while women have an upper limit to successful reproduction.
We are free to make as many babies as we can with as wide a variety of mates as possible,
and can confidently leave our children in the care of their mothers.
But then again.. a deep meaningful relationship with someone you love and trust..
hard to find something better than that.
Can you swear this would hold true if you just happened to meet say...
And she was all like "Love at first sight I gotta take you home kiddo." ..?
The key to what warita said is "something better."
It's sad but true.
It stems from the fact that we men have a nearly limitless supply of gametes,
while women have an upper limit to successful reproduction.
We are free to make as many babies as we can with as wide a variety of mates as possible,
and can confidently leave our children in the care of their mothers.
But then again.. a deep meaningful relationship with someone you love and trust..
hard to find something better than that.
I think I upset some people and I idnt mean it that way. It is just my experience that men in general are thinking about other possibilities and often question the relationship if it really is what they want or if there is something better out there.
I guess that if a man is madly in love, he forgets about the rest of the world. I didnt mean to kick anybodies feelings with what I said. In fact, I meant to make it sound pragmatic.... this happens a lot and one mst accept it.
I should have chosen my words more wisely. I will be more carefull next time.
I guess that if a man is madly in love, he forgets about the rest of the world. I didnt mean to kick anybodies feelings with what I said. In fact, I meant to make it sound pragmatic.... this happens a lot and one mst accept it.
I should have chosen my words more wisely. I will be more carefull next time.
QUOTE (mosque @ Jun 05 2010, 06:28 AM)
Can you swear this would hold true if you just happened to meet say...
Scarlett Johannsen
And she was all like "Love at first sight I gotta take you home kiddo." ..?
The key to what warita said is "something better."
It's sad but true.
Yeah i would of stayed with her, call me weird but Scarlet doesnt interest me in the slightest, no celebrities do. Ill admit that i do like a girl with red hair (ginger or dyed), but oonly to the point of going: 'Wow your hair is so colourful and beautiful' or something to that affect thats it.
And no its not true, i dot know why women have this stupid pre-disposition that all men are womanisers. Its just unfair. There are numerous guys who detest moving from woman to woman and only want to be with one woman for as long as possible. There a numerous guys who could argue its Women that are the mananisers because there are aload of woman who are just as brutual in regards to always 'looking for something better' as men are.
Ive been in a total of 5 relationships, 4 of them the woman has broken up with me either to date someone else or were just using the fact i had a crush on them to make other guys/ex bfs jealous. Woman are just as bad as men.
It really irritates me that women have this belief that regarding men, women can do no wrong and are the innocent party.
Can you swear this would hold true if you just happened to meet say...
And she was all like "Love at first sight I gotta take you home kiddo." ..?
The key to what warita said is "something better."
It's sad but true.
Yeah i would of stayed with her, call me weird but Scarlet doesnt interest me in the slightest, no celebrities do. Ill admit that i do like a girl with red hair (ginger or dyed), but oonly to the point of going: 'Wow your hair is so colourful and beautiful' or something to that affect thats it.
And no its not true, i dot know why women have this stupid pre-disposition that all men are womanisers. Its just unfair. There are numerous guys who detest moving from woman to woman and only want to be with one woman for as long as possible. There a numerous guys who could argue its Women that are the mananisers because there are aload of woman who are just as brutual in regards to always 'looking for something better' as men are.
Ive been in a total of 5 relationships, 4 of them the woman has broken up with me either to date someone else or were just using the fact i had a crush on them to make other guys/ex bfs jealous. Woman are just as bad as men.
It really irritates me that women have this belief that regarding men, women can do no wrong and are the innocent party.
So, maybe it is a problem that goes both ways.... to defend myself, I would like to point out that I had more relationships than you and pretty much all of them ended because the guy thought he could have it better.
Now, I didnt mean to hurt your feelings Hiyasubi. I chose the wrong words to convey what i wanted to say. I inteded to say, that this is a common thing that happens every day and all you can do is to accept it. Thats just how it is.... if a guy is stupid enough not to see what the woman has to offer and he keeps looking for something better, then thats his own fault I dare say.
Oh, and even if you dont agree, I still think that females are more relationship akin then men. Girls in general are more willing to work on a relationship unlike guys who take the first exit when things do not work as they imagined. Of course there are bitches out there, who dont know how to appreciate a nice guy. And maybe that is what the problem was on your side. You had bad luck with your partners or you simply chose the wrong one....
And before you start trashing me, the same goes for me. I have had my share of bad experiences over the years and I know that to a great extent it is my fault too. I didnt chose wisely, or better to say that my loneliness lead me to make the wrong choices.... or I suck at reading the mens character.... hard to say where the root of the problem is.
I also know a few very decent men out there, my sisters bf and my best friend come to my mind. So it is possible to find a decent guy.... if you look out for him and have a little luck. Too bad nobody like that is ever interested in me.
But hey, thats life, right?? Nobody ever said it was easy and thats what I wanted to say in the first place. So, now enough whining!!!
Now, I didnt mean to hurt your feelings Hiyasubi. I chose the wrong words to convey what i wanted to say. I inteded to say, that this is a common thing that happens every day and all you can do is to accept it. Thats just how it is.... if a guy is stupid enough not to see what the woman has to offer and he keeps looking for something better, then thats his own fault I dare say.
Oh, and even if you dont agree, I still think that females are more relationship akin then men. Girls in general are more willing to work on a relationship unlike guys who take the first exit when things do not work as they imagined. Of course there are bitches out there, who dont know how to appreciate a nice guy. And maybe that is what the problem was on your side. You had bad luck with your partners or you simply chose the wrong one....
And before you start trashing me, the same goes for me. I have had my share of bad experiences over the years and I know that to a great extent it is my fault too. I didnt chose wisely, or better to say that my loneliness lead me to make the wrong choices.... or I suck at reading the mens character.... hard to say where the root of the problem is.
I also know a few very decent men out there, my sisters bf and my best friend come to my mind. So it is possible to find a decent guy.... if you look out for him and have a little luck. Too bad nobody like that is ever interested in me.
But hey, thats life, right?? Nobody ever said it was easy and thats what I wanted to say in the first place. So, now enough whining!!!
QUOTE (warita200 @ Jun 05 2010, 11:48 AM) So, maybe it is a problem that goes both ways.... to defend myself, I would like to point out that I had more relationships than you and pretty much all of them ended because the guy thought he could have it better.
Now, I didnt mean to hurt your feelings Hiyasubi. I chose the wrong words to convey what i wanted to say. I inteded to say, that this is a common thing that happens every day and all you can do is to accept it. Thats just how it is.... if a guy is stupid enough not to see what the woman has to offer and he keeps looking for something better, then thats his own fault I dare say.
Oh, and even if you dont agree, I still think that females are more relationship akin then men. Girls in general are more willing to work on a relationship unlike guys who take the first exit when things do not work as they imagined. Of course there are bitches out there, who dont know how to appreciate a nice guy. And maybe that is what the problem was on your side. You had bad luck with your partners or you simply chose the wrong one....
And before you start trashing me, the same goes for me. I have had my share of bad experiences over the years and I know that to a great extent it is my fault too. I didnt chose wisely, or better to say that my loneliness lead me to make the wrong choices.... or I suck at reading the mens character.... hard to say where the root of the problem is.
My above post wasnt directed at you, it was directed at Mosque.
Last time i checked you were older than me so i figured you would of had more than me, plus im cant flirt, or anything like that so me getting a gf is rather rare.
You have no need to defend your self since i didnt attack you (that im aware of, if i did please let me know). But i do agree with your comment about it going both ways.
And i do agree that women are more relationship akin than we are, but it irritates me when women always always believe that other women ar ethe innocent. But we do work at it, there are some of us out there, but i do agree that its a majority being female.
And why would i have any interest in trashing you, ive respected you greatly since i first came here lol I respect your opinion even though there are frequent areas that i will disagree with.
QUOTE I also know a few very decent men out there, my sisters bf and my best friend come to my mind. So it is possible to find a decent guy.... if you look out for him and have a little luck. Too bad nobody like that is ever interested in me. )
Im the same as you then it would seem.
Sorry if you take any of my above posts (or this one) as an attack to you, there not meant to come off as that. Just that for just under a year now, ive developed a hatred (no its not too strong a word) for women in general bar a few. Sorry
Again sorry if it felt like i was attacking you
Now, I didnt mean to hurt your feelings Hiyasubi. I chose the wrong words to convey what i wanted to say. I inteded to say, that this is a common thing that happens every day and all you can do is to accept it. Thats just how it is.... if a guy is stupid enough not to see what the woman has to offer and he keeps looking for something better, then thats his own fault I dare say.
Oh, and even if you dont agree, I still think that females are more relationship akin then men. Girls in general are more willing to work on a relationship unlike guys who take the first exit when things do not work as they imagined. Of course there are bitches out there, who dont know how to appreciate a nice guy. And maybe that is what the problem was on your side. You had bad luck with your partners or you simply chose the wrong one....
And before you start trashing me, the same goes for me. I have had my share of bad experiences over the years and I know that to a great extent it is my fault too. I didnt chose wisely, or better to say that my loneliness lead me to make the wrong choices.... or I suck at reading the mens character.... hard to say where the root of the problem is.
My above post wasnt directed at you, it was directed at Mosque.
Last time i checked you were older than me so i figured you would of had more than me, plus im cant flirt, or anything like that so me getting a gf is rather rare.
You have no need to defend your self since i didnt attack you (that im aware of, if i did please let me know). But i do agree with your comment about it going both ways.
And i do agree that women are more relationship akin than we are, but it irritates me when women always always believe that other women ar ethe innocent. But we do work at it, there are some of us out there, but i do agree that its a majority being female.
And why would i have any interest in trashing you, ive respected you greatly since i first came here lol I respect your opinion even though there are frequent areas that i will disagree with.
QUOTE I also know a few very decent men out there, my sisters bf and my best friend come to my mind. So it is possible to find a decent guy.... if you look out for him and have a little luck. Too bad nobody like that is ever interested in me. )
Im the same as you then it would seem.
Sorry if you take any of my above posts (or this one) as an attack to you, there not meant to come off as that. Just that for just under a year now, ive developed a hatred (no its not too strong a word) for women in general bar a few. Sorry
Again sorry if it felt like i was attacking you
If you have that, temptations won't even phase you, they won't even be tempting, because it's not better.
Like for you, Hiasubi, not even a secret rendezvous with Scarlett Johansson would be tempting. (Which I still kinda doubt)
But let's say a man is with a two timing tramp who is mean and manipulating,
and he meets a gal whose smile is like sunshine.
He will move on to "something better."
It's easy for him, no dilemma.
Like for you, Hiasubi, not even a secret rendezvous with Scarlett Johansson would be tempting. (Which I still kinda doubt)
But let's say a man is with a two timing tramp who is mean and manipulating,
and he meets a gal whose smile is like sunshine.
He will move on to "something better."
It's easy for him, no dilemma.
QUOTE If you have that, temptations won't even phase you, they won't even be tempting, because it's not better.
Like for you, Hiasubi, not even a secret rendezvous with Scarlett Johansson would be tempting. (Which I still kinda doubt)
Why is it so hard to believe? Because you and everyone you know would go with her, or your a girl and every guy yopu have ever met or dated has a thing for her. Doesnt mean i do. I have no pissing interest in celebrities, never have done never will do. Im sorry for only finding real peolpe attractive, you know people your with everyday, the people who dont have millions and arent know all over the country. If you beleive in God or not, one thing is true, we are all unique from one another, just because you think guys go for Scarlett, or you go for Scarlett doesnt mean i do.`
QUOTE But let's say a man is with a two timing tramp who is mean and manipulating,
and he meets a gal whose smile is like sunshine.
He will move on to "something better."
It's easy for him, no dilemma.
Again i disagree with you, if the guy truely loves the girl despite the pain she causes he will stay with her blindly. It happens rather often, maybe not as much as girls, but its still common for guys. Again guys can stay in bad relationships, risking there lives, not all men are brash and loud mouthed, many of us are rather timid and wont say no, or leave things, we will stay and take it. Yes the risking your lives part is rare for men, but we still do it.
Like for you, Hiasubi, not even a secret rendezvous with Scarlett Johansson would be tempting. (Which I still kinda doubt)
Why is it so hard to believe? Because you and everyone you know would go with her, or your a girl and every guy yopu have ever met or dated has a thing for her. Doesnt mean i do. I have no pissing interest in celebrities, never have done never will do. Im sorry for only finding real peolpe attractive, you know people your with everyday, the people who dont have millions and arent know all over the country. If you beleive in God or not, one thing is true, we are all unique from one another, just because you think guys go for Scarlett, or you go for Scarlett doesnt mean i do.`
QUOTE But let's say a man is with a two timing tramp who is mean and manipulating,
and he meets a gal whose smile is like sunshine.
He will move on to "something better."
It's easy for him, no dilemma.
Again i disagree with you, if the guy truely loves the girl despite the pain she causes he will stay with her blindly. It happens rather often, maybe not as much as girls, but its still common for guys. Again guys can stay in bad relationships, risking there lives, not all men are brash and loud mouthed, many of us are rather timid and wont say no, or leave things, we will stay and take it. Yes the risking your lives part is rare for men, but we still do it.
QUOTE (mosque @ Jun 06 2010, 02:34 AM) But let's say a man is with a two timing tramp who is mean and manipulating,
and he meets a gal whose smile is like sunshine.
He will move on to "something better."
It's easy for him, no dilemma.
That case is clear mosque san.
BUT!!! Guys often go for something better even if the woman at their side is nice, intelligent and loves him more anything. In fact, I often noticed that the more the woman is willing to do for the men, the less value she is in his eyes.
I think this has something to do with how people perceive others. Usually, people are on the lookout for the best they can get. So if a girl thinks she is something better than the guy, she is going to show him the cold shoulder. That usually spurs the guy to try harder until he gets her, or is charged for stalking... hahaha, just a little joke. But back to what I wanted to say, people who play hard to get are sending out the message: You are just not good enough for me, I am not interested in you, therefore I ignore you.
Well, on the other hand, if the girl is trying very hard to please her boyfriend, he deciphers this message as: "She is not good enough for me, thats why she is trying so hard, she wants to compensate for her flaws and wants to get me to like her despite not being good enough for me". This can be a total bullshit as the girl is simply in love and that is her way of showing her love to him. But people are rarely objective and thats how it comes across. So the more she tries to please him, the more distant he gets and she tries even harder and he distances himself even further... you get picture, right?
Anyways, I would like to point out, that the situation I just described doesnt apply to couples, who sincerely love each other. Such a situation usually arises, when one of the partnrs doesnt feel as strongly about the other.... and you know, that happens a lot!!!
Oh, and I support Hiasubi, I am not interested in dating celebrities either.
and he meets a gal whose smile is like sunshine.
He will move on to "something better."
It's easy for him, no dilemma.
That case is clear mosque san.
BUT!!! Guys often go for something better even if the woman at their side is nice, intelligent and loves him more anything. In fact, I often noticed that the more the woman is willing to do for the men, the less value she is in his eyes.
I think this has something to do with how people perceive others. Usually, people are on the lookout for the best they can get. So if a girl thinks she is something better than the guy, she is going to show him the cold shoulder. That usually spurs the guy to try harder until he gets her, or is charged for stalking... hahaha, just a little joke. But back to what I wanted to say, people who play hard to get are sending out the message: You are just not good enough for me, I am not interested in you, therefore I ignore you.
Well, on the other hand, if the girl is trying very hard to please her boyfriend, he deciphers this message as: "She is not good enough for me, thats why she is trying so hard, she wants to compensate for her flaws and wants to get me to like her despite not being good enough for me". This can be a total bullshit as the girl is simply in love and that is her way of showing her love to him. But people are rarely objective and thats how it comes across. So the more she tries to please him, the more distant he gets and she tries even harder and he distances himself even further... you get picture, right?
Anyways, I would like to point out, that the situation I just described doesnt apply to couples, who sincerely love each other. Such a situation usually arises, when one of the partnrs doesnt feel as strongly about the other.... and you know, that happens a lot!!!
Oh, and I support Hiasubi, I am not interested in dating celebrities either.
It's HUMAN nature to look for greener pastures. It's natural for males, females, gays or lesbians, and it's not limited to relationships. You can also observe it when people purchase "better" gadgets etc. You can see it in the longing gazes of those women, eying "that dress" which they can't afford.
See, almost everyone has the capacity for this, as well as cheating. Well there are exceptions to the rule, but the point is, I don't get why you're all arguing about it.
Also,
QUOTE Men are always on the lookout for something better.
*Most humans are always on the lookout for something better, it's natural.
Fixed.
See, almost everyone has the capacity for this, as well as cheating. Well there are exceptions to the rule, but the point is, I don't get why you're all arguing about it.
Also,
QUOTE Men are always on the lookout for something better.
*Most humans are always on the lookout for something better, it's natural.
Fixed.
QUOTE (khael @ Jun 06 2010, 05:41 AM)
*Most humans are always on the lookout for something better, it's natural.
Fixed.
Khael dono, YES, that is correct.
However, you missed an important point:
1) Some people are on the lookout for something better even though they already have the perfect partner at their side and they still keep looking, because they dont know how to recognize or appreciate what they have. And so often they end up dumping a great person.
2) why isnt it possible to be satisfied with what you have? Why to destroy a relationship that is working just because you have an itch???
*Most humans are always on the lookout for something better, it's natural.
Fixed.
Khael dono, YES, that is correct.
However, you missed an important point:
1) Some people are on the lookout for something better even though they already have the perfect partner at their side and they still keep looking, because they dont know how to recognize or appreciate what they have. And so often they end up dumping a great person.
2) why isnt it possible to be satisfied with what you have? Why to destroy a relationship that is working just because you have an itch???
QUOTE (warita200 @ Jun 06 2010, 06:01 PM) Khael dono, YES, that is correct.
However, you missed an important point:
1) Some people are on the lookout for something better even though they already have the perfect partner at their side and they still keep looking, because they dont know how to recognize or appreciate what they have. And so often they end up dumping a great person.
2) why isnt it possible to be satisfied with what you have? Why to destroy a relationship that is working just because you have an itch???
Number 1 ill agree with you. Regarding number 2, i dont think is down to wanting something better. More to do with wanting a change, i think they do like the person there with, but become unhappy with the status quo. Although if you do want a change then you cant be happy and you cant have truely loved that person. Not of your honest with yourself
However, you missed an important point:
1) Some people are on the lookout for something better even though they already have the perfect partner at their side and they still keep looking, because they dont know how to recognize or appreciate what they have. And so often they end up dumping a great person.
2) why isnt it possible to be satisfied with what you have? Why to destroy a relationship that is working just because you have an itch???
Number 1 ill agree with you. Regarding number 2, i dont think is down to wanting something better. More to do with wanting a change, i think they do like the person there with, but become unhappy with the status quo. Although if you do want a change then you cant be happy and you cant have truely loved that person. Not of your honest with yourself
WTF
Quit editing my posts.
Just delete them if you don't like them.
AS I SAID ORIGINALLY....
Some women will stay in bad relationships, even risking their lives to stay with men who beat them.
Men don't ever seem to go to such lengths, the relationship is never paramount beyond even their safety.
AND I ALSO SAID...
I think we can agree that nothing can be said of "all" of any group, be it a sex, race, or anything.
As for that silly hypothetical example with Scarlett Johansson, feel free to replace her with whoever you imagine to be the most tempting person ever. My point was that if you are human, it is possible to be tempted.
Quit editing my posts.
Just delete them if you don't like them.
AS I SAID ORIGINALLY....
Some women will stay in bad relationships, even risking their lives to stay with men who beat them.
Men don't ever seem to go to such lengths, the relationship is never paramount beyond even their safety.
AND I ALSO SAID...
I think we can agree that nothing can be said of "all" of any group, be it a sex, race, or anything.
As for that silly hypothetical example with Scarlett Johansson, feel free to replace her with whoever you imagine to be the most tempting person ever. My point was that if you are human, it is possible to be tempted.
Few things I'll say...
1) Everyone - man, woman, or 'other' - can and likely will be tempted. Just because someone is tempted does NOT mean that they give in to temptation, and that is the true test.
2) If a man leaves a woman (or vice versa) REGARDLESS of the feelings of the one being left - obviously the one doing the leaving does not have the same feelings. Is it not better to leave and let the other person go than to keep them dangling at the end of a line they'll never be able to climb? My point is that no matter how much a girl may love a guy, if the guy leaves he obviously doesn't love her the same...isn't it better then for him to leave? Same goes for a guy who loves a girl and the girl leaves. Personally, I'd rather be dumped than think I have a chance when I definitely don't.
3) @Warita: have you ever considered that some people don't think pushovers attractive? Being overly clingy, overly willing to do everything can be very unattractive. Yes, it's nice to be willing to do things, but assigning yourself slave duty isn't a way to build a relationship. Girls playing hard to get aren't better, but I'd rather have a girl who doesn't slave over me than have one who does. Relationships are selfish things, it's alright to be selfish about them -.-
Now~
Congratulations TNT! I hope you have a wonderful life with your wife!
To everyone:
Try not to let other people's jaded outlooks on life and relationships jade your own view.
1) Everyone - man, woman, or 'other' - can and likely will be tempted. Just because someone is tempted does NOT mean that they give in to temptation, and that is the true test.
2) If a man leaves a woman (or vice versa) REGARDLESS of the feelings of the one being left - obviously the one doing the leaving does not have the same feelings. Is it not better to leave and let the other person go than to keep them dangling at the end of a line they'll never be able to climb? My point is that no matter how much a girl may love a guy, if the guy leaves he obviously doesn't love her the same...isn't it better then for him to leave? Same goes for a guy who loves a girl and the girl leaves. Personally, I'd rather be dumped than think I have a chance when I definitely don't.
3) @Warita: have you ever considered that some people don't think pushovers attractive? Being overly clingy, overly willing to do everything can be very unattractive. Yes, it's nice to be willing to do things, but assigning yourself slave duty isn't a way to build a relationship. Girls playing hard to get aren't better, but I'd rather have a girl who doesn't slave over me than have one who does. Relationships are selfish things, it's alright to be selfish about them -.-
Now~
Congratulations TNT! I hope you have a wonderful life with your wife!
To everyone:
Try not to let other people's jaded outlooks on life and relationships jade your own view.
QUOTE
2) why isnt it possible to be satisfied with what you have? Why to destroy a relationship that is working just because you have an itch???
The answer really varies and depends on the individual and the circumstances. Sometimes, it's a simple mistake brought about by being drunk or high or even being in a mentally or emotionally unstable/vulnerable state. Sometimes it's a well thought out choice. It can also be that the betrayer's just a player, a goldigger etc. It can be due to small things and big things. Sometimes it's just due to time. Sometimes things get boring.
This is why novelty is supposedly an important point in keeping relationships intact. It's not impossible to be satisfied with what you have even though it's the bare minimum mind you. It may be hard but not impossible. Again, the degree of difficulty varies.
QUOTE Personally, I'd rather be dumped than think I have a chance when I definitely don't.
Some view it realistically, while there are of course others who "look at the brighter side of things" and focus on that fleeting illusion of happiness with their loved one. Is that happiness real? I can't say for sure. Personally though, I agree with this.
2) why isnt it possible to be satisfied with what you have? Why to destroy a relationship that is working just because you have an itch???
The answer really varies and depends on the individual and the circumstances. Sometimes, it's a simple mistake brought about by being drunk or high or even being in a mentally or emotionally unstable/vulnerable state. Sometimes it's a well thought out choice. It can also be that the betrayer's just a player, a goldigger etc. It can be due to small things and big things. Sometimes it's just due to time. Sometimes things get boring.
This is why novelty is supposedly an important point in keeping relationships intact. It's not impossible to be satisfied with what you have even though it's the bare minimum mind you. It may be hard but not impossible. Again, the degree of difficulty varies.
QUOTE Personally, I'd rather be dumped than think I have a chance when I definitely don't.
Some view it realistically, while there are of course others who "look at the brighter side of things" and focus on that fleeting illusion of happiness with their loved one. Is that happiness real? I can't say for sure. Personally though, I agree with this.
QUOTE (dchaosblade @ Jun 06 2010, 09:58 PM)
3) @Warita: have you ever considered that some people don't think pushovers attractive? Being overly clingy, overly willing to do everything can be very unattractive. Yes, it's nice to be willing to do things, but assigning yourself slave duty isn't a way to build a relationship. Girls playing hard to get aren't better, but I'd rather have a girl who doesn't slave over me than have one who does. Relationships are selfish things, it's alright to be selfish about them
To everyone:
Try not to let other people's jaded outlooks on life and relationships jade your own view.
If that is your idea of relationship, then I feel sorry for your potential girlfriends. Where I come from, relationship and family still have values. A relationship is not about YOU, it is about "you and her".
Also, I would like to point out that this is a discussion thread, so kindly dont put a hamper on it.
3) @Warita: have you ever considered that some people don't think pushovers attractive? Being overly clingy, overly willing to do everything can be very unattractive. Yes, it's nice to be willing to do things, but assigning yourself slave duty isn't a way to build a relationship. Girls playing hard to get aren't better, but I'd rather have a girl who doesn't slave over me than have one who does. Relationships are selfish things, it's alright to be selfish about them
To everyone:
Try not to let other people's jaded outlooks on life and relationships jade your own view.
If that is your idea of relationship, then I feel sorry for your potential girlfriends. Where I come from, relationship and family still have values. A relationship is not about YOU, it is about "you and her".
Also, I would like to point out that this is a discussion thread, so kindly dont put a hamper on it.
QUOTE (warita200 @ Jun 07 2010, 02:13 PM) If that is your idea of relationship, then I feel sorry for your potential girlfriends. Where I come from, relationship and family still have values. A relationship is not about YOU, it is about "you and her".
Also, I would like to point out that this is a discussion thread, so kindly dont put a hamper on it.
You feel sorry for my girlfriend because I don't expect nor do I want her to be my virtual slave? I fail to understand how this is a bad thing. Even you said it: "it is about 'YOU AND HER'" - the key point is the BOTH of you. That means that yes, you DO have to be seek things for yourself sometimes. Otherwise it would be all about the other person and not at all about yourself.
A relationship rarely works if one or the other person is completely selfless. Either the selfless person will never be completely happy or the other will be unhappy because his/her partner is too selfless. People by nature want to help others. If you always help them but never be somewhat selfish and ask or let them help you, they'll feel put off. We WANT to help.
Selfishness is not inherently bad. I'm not saying that for a relationship to work you have to be completely selfish. I'm saying there's a balance, and for a good relationship that balance is maintained. Both people have to be selfless at times, but they both have to also be a little selfish; to ask for what they want, to DO what they want, and not to just sit there and - as I said before - be a pushover.
Also, I feel kinda insulted that you imply that relationships and family have no value to me. I view both of them to be very important and sacred things. I never enter one lightly, nor do I ever leave one easily. NONE of what I've said implies otherwise so I'd kindly ask you not to throw insulting comments at anyone who doesn't have the same view as you do.
Also, I would like to point out that this is a discussion thread, so kindly dont put a hamper on it.
You feel sorry for my girlfriend because I don't expect nor do I want her to be my virtual slave? I fail to understand how this is a bad thing. Even you said it: "it is about 'YOU AND HER'" - the key point is the BOTH of you. That means that yes, you DO have to be seek things for yourself sometimes. Otherwise it would be all about the other person and not at all about yourself.
A relationship rarely works if one or the other person is completely selfless. Either the selfless person will never be completely happy or the other will be unhappy because his/her partner is too selfless. People by nature want to help others. If you always help them but never be somewhat selfish and ask or let them help you, they'll feel put off. We WANT to help.
Selfishness is not inherently bad. I'm not saying that for a relationship to work you have to be completely selfish. I'm saying there's a balance, and for a good relationship that balance is maintained. Both people have to be selfless at times, but they both have to also be a little selfish; to ask for what they want, to DO what they want, and not to just sit there and - as I said before - be a pushover.
Also, I feel kinda insulted that you imply that relationships and family have no value to me. I view both of them to be very important and sacred things. I never enter one lightly, nor do I ever leave one easily. NONE of what I've said implies otherwise so I'd kindly ask you not to throw insulting comments at anyone who doesn't have the same view as you do.
