Relationship DISCUSSION!

[senpai-kun]

I'm not dating this girl but we're are basically hanging out yeah that's a good term I suppose. Though there is some mutual interest and I guess you could call this a feeling out process since I just met her recently. Anyways that is just a little background and definitely not the important part of this post.

I've been thinking lately over the course of these past IDK 4-6 months I should pay attention to certain traits in a girl and not just ignore them before getting tooo serious with them. In the past I would just factor in their unique personalities/well looks yeah of course. Probably to some degree I had somewhat of a hero complex and liked ladies that needed saving on some level -- ummm I think I'm officially over that thank god lmao. Ewwww maybe I'm errrr growing up haha. So yea umm well I started to notice something in her behavior recently and little by little it just annoys me.

It's her odd obsession with celebrities and fawning over them in general. Okay with me we don't have to be having endless hrs. of intelligent conversation. I like to joke around and really cut loose. So whatever we talk about no matter how random it doesn't really bother me. Though there is something strange to me about a girl who will talk constantly about a celebrity guy like you have some type of ownership over him. You have several posters of him hanging from your wall (more than one?!) and your screen saver is a shirtless pic of him. When you start to act like your dying when he appears on a tv interview isn't that a bit much? It's like stop holding your heart like it's going to stop at any given moment and die already! lmao ya just kidding!

Checking their fansite daily and searching for their next appearance even when it's across the country and you know you won't be able to make the concert boggles my mind. I have to say gradually no matter how fun and cool you seem to be this type of obsession is a huuuuuuuuuuuuge turnoff. Well anyways I'm gonna ponder some more upon it but I don't think I'm gonna be able to look past this. It's just tooooooooo and sooooooooo annoying.

I guess everyone has their relationship pet peeves and I suppose I've found one of mine...

 

[antabaka84]

Ah the art of a relationship. My major issue is finding somebody who fits me. I'm an odd one. My looks and personality are completely clashing. On the outside you would think preppy outgoing jock type who gets everything he wants. Then you get to know me and find out I am a giant nerd who loves Anime, science, The 80's, and deep discussions, who also has no clue about sports

So trying to find a girl who fits the nerdy profile and who looks like Kanako from Love Hina

is very tiresome espically since when going to the bars or clubs, we never go to the places I want! like the 80's club or the goth bar, no! I get stuck going to the same jock bars where everybody is so full of themselves and are always putting on a facade.

I have tried to stray away from my "ideal type" but honestly those did not last very long and were not very fun. So I'm sticking to my ideal even if it takes a lifetime LOL.

 

[ImTakes]

QUOTE (senpai-kun @ Dec 13 2008, 12:00 PM)I'm not dating this girl but we're are basically hanging out yeah that's a good term I suppose. Though there is some mutual interest and I guess you could call this a feeling out process since I just met her recently.
It's her odd obsession with celebrities and fawning over them in general. I like to joke around and really cut loose. I have to say gradually no matter how fun and cool you seem to be this type of obsession is a huuuuuuuuuuuuge turnoff. Well anyways I'm gonna ponder some more upon it but I don't think I'm gonna be able to look past this. It's just tooooooooo and sooooooooo annoying.

I guess everyone has their relationship pet peeves and I suppose I've found one of mine...
Yo! witty-san! I was just minding my own business when I see your post about some "chick" you be hangin with.....well, me being nosy and all....I had to make some sort of commentary....

So, let me get this straight, this gal-pal of yours, is into movie stars? Big deal!

Most of us women talk about them but most of us are not obsessed unless, of course, one is between the age of....oh, say 17 and 20? She that young, my friend? Hum...makes me wonder....your penchant for playing Sir Valiant and all....ah! Just imagine if she was obsessed with you and everything you do....imagine, living under a microscope with everything you say and do, watched and commented on...that is a real pain in the ass.....and you know where I am coming from on that front! You would still complain and say that you can't breath because you feel smothered....ah! Men...go figure....anyway, I wish you well as you step up to the plate and take on that infamous battle...namely, that of conquering and winning over the one you love...first we gotta find him/her and then we make our move!

Onward!!! Onward, I say!!!

 

[senpai-kun]

QUOTE (ImTakes @ Dec 14 2008, 04:24 PM)Yo! witty-san! I was just minding my own business when I see your post about some "chick" you be hangin with.....well, me being nosy and all....I had to make some sort of commentary....

So, let me get this straight, this gal-pal of yours, is into movie stars? Big deal!

Most of us women talk about them but most of us are not obsessed unless, of course, one is between the age of....oh, say 17 and 20? She that young my friend? Hum...makes me wonder....your penchant for playing Sir Valiant and all....ah! Just imagine if she was obsessed with you and everything you do....imagine living under a microscope with everything you say and do, watched and commented on...that is a real pain in the ass.....and you know where I am coming from on that front! You would still complain and say that you can't breath because you feel smothered....ah! Men...go figure....anyway, I wish you well as you step up to the plate and take on that infamous battle...namely, that of conquering and winning over the one you love...first we gotta find him/her and then we make our move!

Onward!!! Onward, I say!!!
HeYo Yae and naaaaaaah she is not in that age range several years older and that is what is soooo perplexing about the whole deal. Seems like something a younger one would be doing no? But ya I'm fully aware that most girls like to random gossip about their celebrity crush -- hell it's expected you're chicks! lmao. Though IDK when it seems like an obsession it kinda makes you wonder about the person as a whole.

Something about spending so much time consumed w/fawning over another human is just something I can't really grasp. Especially one that you don't know on any kind of a personal level. But your right about the other way around and her fawning over me or you all the time. Somehow just the thought of that isn't appealing at all... YIKES need space to breathe!

 

[Hiasubi]

Great Pai Pai Sama, the love of wonmen for things they cannont pocess seems to be a trait all women seem to share, just with varying obssesion IMO (anyone women feel free to correct me if you wish). So i cant really offer much ion the way of advice, but if its something which if you choose to pursue this feline for relationship or romantic purposes thenh i say live with it, if you cant cope with it, then i guess you should just tell her how you feel about it and ask her why she does it so then at least you can have a basic understand of why she does it.

Rememeber i said basic since after all now matter how hard we try as a species men can never seem to understand women, we even seem to get there basic needs wrong lol

Hope if helps ya mate

If it doesnt then please dont shoots me murder i can live with, death by machete, death by lightbulb or death by soap i could live with but death by gun........ nah dont go there.

 

[warita200]

well... obsession..... as far as I can tell, a lot of ppl have some kind of obsession. I dont think it is particularly exhilarating, when guys spend their weekends watching football (even collecting baseball cards and what not), or playing video games till the morning and so on.
There are ppl who need to be addicted to something, abd if its not drugs, alk or cigarettes, then it will be sports or some other nonsence.

My advice is: if it annoys you so much, dont start a relationship with her, it will only get worse over time.

 

[Nightdragon]

Lots has happened since I last posted in my dramatic soap-opera life that Senpai and yaya have always loved to hear about.

I was with this girl, Ashley... for about 4 months... it was pretty much the best thing ever. But she cheated on me... haha. Its kinda ironic when the person who cheated on you, has someone to be with that New Years night when you are left alone. But I never fret, its better to learn early, than to make more memories that can potentially haunt you when it ends.

So now I am back to being alone. Its weird, being single for the first time in.... about a year and a half.... I am starting to get back into things such as FTV (posting, I always looked but never posted), Video Games, and other stuff. But oh well, I miss posting here.

 

[Gustav1976]

welcome back night dragon, and yeah it's better to have it happen early even though one way or the other it still sucks. If I look back at my past I'd have done stuff earlier myself.
It seems that in general if you;re in a relationship with someone and alarm bells start going off in your head then it's time to start backing away instead of hoping for the best. Hope things looks brighter for the new year mate

 

[Nightdragon]

Lol Thanks Gustav.

I hope they turn out better too. Yeah, lucky me most people have that alarm. Sadly, not everyone does, I wish them well.

 

[ImTakes]

I know for the FTV gals herein, this will be a really good read. I can also say that I have the pleasure of knowing a few FTV guys who actually, fit this description quite nicely. I won't mention names as it would just be over the top to do so. But they know who they are and they know just how special they truly are...yes, indeed.

For your reading pleasure...
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/7-trait...ble-men-491994/

 

[damienstryker]

As usual... Yaya-san is always spot on when it comes to what to look out for and what's good in the place to be. I, also, have been living the SSB lifestyle... not punching people off of platforms but working myself to near exhaustion every night to negate the thought of knowing that... friends are getting married. My SSB... Single Summer Blues. >_<;

I haven't had a hint of romance in a while and I started to actually think about trying to force myself into a situation that I'm not good or all that aware of. That would be me trying to give myself a chance by going to the bar and talking to strangers on the move in the night. Truly doesn't seem all that magical... not the way that I envisioned myself trying to get a date but being spontaneous is the only way to totally ensure that you'll get to be with someone, I reckon.

The ironic thing is that I tried this once before earlier in the summer with a classmate from HS that I've know for about like... 8-9 years now. Call me strange but you tend to be attached to those who are willing to make that contact outside of the school. V_V;

I dunno if I posted this online but I know for a fact that I saw somethings that really bothered me about her because she had this sense of superiority over me because of the fact that she was all about the colleges we attended. Hers was a lot bigger than mine like... her campus was 5 times the size of mine. Her school was known for greatness when it came to college sports and alumni while mine wasn't. So she held that over my head for a while... anyways... I laughed over this at first but by the end of the night, I gave up on the notion of ever going out to the bars ever again.

Call me strange but I would call myself a student at this juncture... being a student at my age means that either I have a degree... I'm getting a degree... or I'm going back for my masters degree. I dunno if I mentioned that I'm a bit of a shut-in as well. If I didn't... then I'll be straight up and say yes... I like to think of myself as a worker by day and an anime junkie by night. Only really have 2-3 friends in my life at this juncture and my co-workers find me incredibly strange as well... heck... they picked on me on a regular basis as well. >_> ... But that comes with the territory of loving who I am and accepting that I'm readily more different then the average man. Everyone I know since the 8th grade has told me that same thing as well... xD! ... "Stay the same and don't change... your time will come soon." Holding true to one's self is more hard than I care to share on that matter.

Ah... that brings me to why I popped in here to rant... because that was a bit of one.

The "Friend Zone"... is it really social purgatory or is it more of a tunnel to a greater understanding of fondness and love for a guy and a girl? Any reflections on that?

 

[ImTakes]

QUOTE (damienstryker @ Aug 02 2009, 03:42 AM) The "Friend Zone"... is it really social purgatory or is it more of a tunnel to a greater understanding of fondness and love for a guy and a girl? Any reflections on that?
Ah...damienstryker-san! There is nothing wrong with being in the friend zone...hell, for many of us, it is the best place to be.

Think of the stress and the heartache that one is spared. Personally, sure, being a romantic has its perks, but it gets in the way too, it clouds one's perspective on reality. But well, that's what's nice about being a friend because the one you're soft on, keeps it all in check, since they "feel" nothing for us poor folks. I know you have a lot to offer. You are smart, funny and you love music.

You are a gentleman too. Enjoy this moment of your life. Be grateful for the time spent in study as you prepare to gain the world. Love is a wonderful thing, when it goes our way. But when it goes down the tubes...you can kiss the world goodbye for a time. Heartache is a pain in the ass. Now, if you keep your wits about you, while you are committed to your studies and your career, sure, have fun. Date girls, shower them with flowers, music, let them know you appreciate them as women. A guy friend is a real treasure to have, and vice versa.
Take it all in stride and know that one fine day, she is gonna walk through your door, look at you, you at her...and boom! Life will be all the more richer for it, as the two of you will complement one another, until the mountains crumble to the sea, my fine friend.
That is the key...never forget it.

You just wanna play and slay and lay? Forget it...so not worth it and you will become cynical and skeptical and bitter. You want women to really like you and you, women...respect is key and being true to yourself, always. As best as you can, understand that someone will always get hurt, but never so do intentionally. If you're not prepared to stake it all...then walk away and move on.
I think my shop will close now...too many freebies have been handed out...but for you, dear damienstryker-san...anything.

Good luck then and remember, never, ever, compromise! You have much to offer! Onward then!

 

[G^h33!]

QUOTE (ImTakes @ Aug 02 2009, 01:29 PM) You just wanna play, slay and lay? Forget it...so not worth it; you will become cynical, skeptical and bitter.
This is true, I hate women...

Oh well, at least I have anime and guitar.

 

[Clowd]

D: my girlfriend of 2 years just told me yesterday she cheated on me when i was on vacation with my family. I broke up with her and this is the single hardest moment of my life to date. She was my first love. Anybody know someone or someway to talk to someone i can't stop the tears even as i'm writing this. Please tell me it gets better.

 

[ImTakes]

QUOTE (Clowd @ Aug 10 2009, 09:43 AM) D: my girlfriend of 2 years just told me yesterday she cheated on me when i was on vacation with my family. I broke up with her and this is the single hardest moment of my life to date. She was my first love. Anybody know someone or someway to talk to someone i can't stop the tears even as i'm writing this. Please tell me it gets better.
Your post has made me sad. I remember the happiness with which you posted about you and your former girlfriend, Clowd-san. I am sorry this has happened to you. I understand the pain you feel though because I have been there myself, many of us herein have. I don't have the answers you seek, but I will tell you the thing that will help you get through it...always, no matter how hard it may be or how much it will hurt, always be true to yourself. Sounds like a cliche, but I can tell you it is the one thing that helped me. And one more thing, allow yourself to experience everything you feel, don't deny the pain, don't deny the anger, the sense of betrayal, the fact that you still love her. Ah...you are young still...be strong and please, remember that no matter how long, or how much it hurts, it won't hurt forever. Ah! I wish I could say more but hey, you can always pm me if you wish. Be good to yourself, okay? If you have good friends, who are good listeners, talk to them. I will hope the best for you. I will hope that you will keep your integrity intact, do not become bitter and if you do, well, may it be only for a short while as bitterness is a poison and will rob you of any chance of ever being happy or at peace with yourself. All the best then, dear Clowd-san.

 

[damienstryker]

The pain of a breakup is something that is almost immeasurable in nature. There's no known cure and there's no antidote. As with Chicken Pox, Cold, and Flu... there are times when you just have to go the route of riding this out. I'll offer one thing that I remember when I went through my first breakup.

Back then, I found myself crying a lot whenever I wasn't occupied with some kind of task of some sort. What happened then was that I managed to discover how to vent through artistic means. It was right when I went into Marching Band and Creative Writing. Within these venues, I began to put that emotion to work in different areas in order to save myself the time from feeling that pain... but it is just a vent. Working with that passion is exhausting... but there's also a moment of peace that can be attained when you pour that emotion and energy into something else.

As far as Creative Writing is concerned... poetry is a great vent alongside blogging and just talking with people. Reaching out to different people will help things a lot better... so in a nutshell, I'd say that you're well on the path towards getting back into the flow of things.

 

[Gustav1976]

I agree with Yaya-sama and damien-san, the best thing you can do is just try and ride out the pain and keep yourself occupied if it occasionally gets too much. Being cheated on is probably the worst thing to have to cope with when linked with a breakup (at least in my experience). Eventually, as Yaya says the pain will lessen enough for you to remember the good parts of the relationship without feeling the anguish all over again.

On a slightly different note I need some advice. My ex-wife keeps trying to contact me in a bid to make friends even after i told her that I'd consider it harrasment. Luckily it's only online communication but it's still annoying because everytime she does I automatically remember what she put me through.

 

[warita200]

to be betrayed by your first love is a horrible experience, I went through that myself. Years later I hardly think of him anymore. the pain goes away, time heals everything. even though it may feel like it will stay forever and drive you crazy. It wont!!!

The best thing you can do is to let out the pain, allow yourself to feel everything like yaya suggested and then, when you passed the worst, think of yourself. You are number one priority on yur list, you need to be happy and satisfied. So do something for yourself, start a new hobby, go out with your buddies or do something, that will make you smile, something that will make you feel good and its for you only

And keep yourself occupied! That way you wont spend too much time thinking about things, that cannot be changed anymore. You will be fine, i am sure!!!

 

[Clowd]

Much thanks to everyone for your support...

I've had a rough day, i was sreaming at the top of my lungs how much i hate her now, and crying. Yet, its ok. It felt good to do those things, i'm angry and sad and so very very confused. But my mom and everyone else is such i great support, i know i can get through this. It just hurts ALOT.
Again... thank you so much. You guys are helping so much. Even if its just text on a page on then net, i can feel you guys do care. Thank you.

And Gustav, if she keeps it up and it hurts you alot. Maybe just tell her that you can't have her contacting you like this, you and her are done. From there you should just block her address or whatever she uses to contact you. Just like with my situation, i know contacting her will only bring pain, Ive blocked EVERY forum of communication with her except my own thoughts. I know she's moved past me and i just have to accept that and find someone better. Your ex-wife may be hurt by this, but its for the better if you don't have too feel pain anymore.

 

[ImTakes]

QUOTE (Clowd @ Aug 10 2009, 06:05 PM) Much thanks to everyone for your support...

I've had a rough day, i was sreaming at the top of my lungs how much i hate her now, and crying. Yet, its ok. It felt good to do those things, i'm angry and sad and so very very confused. But my mom and everyone else is such i great support, i know i can get through this. It just hurts ALOT.
Again... thank you so much. You guys are helping so much. Even if its just text on a page on then net, i can feel you guys do care. Thank you.

Then consider yourself lucky, my friend, because you have acknowledged your pain and know it will be a part of you until time and making the best of the situation, set you free. No one deserves to be cheated on, never. We are so much more worth that. A good step forward then, and as warita has said, as time goes on, you will put yourself first and take good care of yourself, you have been deeply wounded after all. The wound will heal...all in all, each one, according to his own time. Be strong! I look forward to the day, when you will come back and tell us you weathered the storm and you weathered it well...onward then!