Death of loved ones

Playasia - Play-Asia.com: Online Shopping for Digital Codes, Video Games, Toys, Music, Electronics & more

EggBeast

- deska`
Retired
I don't really know why I'm writing any of this here... I guess I just feel like writing it out. My grandmother actually just passed away this past weekend. I decided I would make the drive back this weekend, since I'd heard she'd been put in the hospital for something and I wanted to visit her and wish her a quick recover, because at that point, everyone was still hopeful that she would get better, but it turns out that the morning after I arrived, she took a sudden turn for the worse, and only had a few hours left to go. I got a call early in the morning from my mother saying that I needed to come over as soon as possible if I wanted a chance to say goodbye. It took me completely off-guard, since I didn't expect it to be nearly so serious.

It was really a remarkable thing though, being at her side as she passed away. I wasn't the only one, either. The hospital room was literally jam-packed with her children and grandchildren, all there to be there for her in her final hours. She had told us that she wouldn't have wanted things to end any other way. The sheer love and affection in that room was palpable, I've never experienced anything quite like it before. It was an incredibly hard thing to be there through, but it must have been one of the most powerful experiences of my life.

It's still a bit strange though, I don't think that her passing has really hit me quite yet. She's been there my entire life, always less than a half-hour away. We came over to visit countless times; she'd been there for many of my most cherished memories. I just don't really think it's registered with my brain yet that all of that is over now, even though I was there to see her take her last breath. God, it's a hard thing to have to work through mentally. You just get so emotionally drained that you just have to do something to take your mind off of it... and yet in the back of your head you know all you're doing is delaying the inevitable... *sigh*, it's always a tough time to go through. It's just hard picturing her as not being there anymore...

But really getting to the heart what this thread is all about, I think what's truly saddening about the death of a loved one is that death is one of the few things in life, perhaps the only thing, that cannot be reversed, mitigated, compensated for, replaced, nothing. When someone dies, someone you love, someone who loves you, there's nothing that can ever replace it. Only their memory can live on. The human experience is the one thing we all share, and the one thing we will all lose.

At any rate, the funeral is set for tomorrow morning, so I'd best get some sleep. Have a nice day everyone.
 

Gustav1976

-sama
Retired
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother EggBeast-san *HUG* It always sad to lose somebody even when you know that it had to happen eventually. It was good though that so many people were there to escort your grandmother on her last journey and it just goes to show that the sentiment that some believe that people are never really gone because their lives are like a stone thrown into a lake sending out ripples that affect others could well be true, especially in your grandmothers case. She touched so many lives and in turn those people will touch others and those lives will touch even others and so on so in a way as long as their are people she is never really gone and I'm sure the affect of her life will be felt long after many of us are gone and our great great grand-children have gone senile

I think the hardest time I ever had was at the funeral of both of my dad's father and my mothers mom, at the funeral of my grandfather he was practically in tears which was quite difficult to see because although I know my dad is softhearted I'd never see him cry before. At my grandmothers funeral my mom never stopped crying so I had to be strong yet again and I was honoured to be one of the people chosen to carry her coffin.
Anyway, I hope the funeral isn't/wasn't too rough on you and that you are able to remember your grandmother with happy thoughts because I'm sure that is what she'd want for you.
 

monsta666

-the bee's knees
Kouhai
I'm sad to hear it EggBeast. I too have experienced something similar as I have lost both my grandfathers. The first one died when I was only a small child while the last died more recently, some 4 years ago. I actually shared the same name as one of my grandfathers. Anyway the death can be a difficult thing to deal with even it is expected. That does not lessen the blow. Then again if they take a sudden turn for the worse that can be most shocking. A good family friend was well on the mend with cancer but suddenly had a relapse. Within a week they died. That was pretty shocking considering how well they seemed before the relapse.

One thing that is understated however is dealing with relatives with dementia. My grandmother has advanced dementia and no longer remembers who I am. It is very hard to see someone you love no longer recognise you and can perhaps even be hostile towards you. In some ways this is as difficult as death to deal with and may even be worse. At least with death there is closure and you can move on. With dementia it is ongoing thing and you know it can only get worse.
 

Gustav1976

-sama
Retired
I definitely undestand what you mean about dementia monsta-san. My mother's father developed alzheimers prior to his death and it broke her mums and her heart. hjat makes it more sad is the fact that the person siuffering from dementia doesn't realise the effect it's having on their relatives. From my own experience it was traumatic for even me when I went to see him before his death he was like a completely different person, he'd lost weight as well so he didn't even look like the same person and the witty person who used to ask me riddles and stuff wasn't there anymore. In some ways dementia is like a slow death before the physical death and it's incredibly hard on relatives, for many when the person dies it's more like they've lost that person not just once but TWICE.
Relapses in anything are shocking too i agree with you on that matter too monsta, when I was doing nurse training I was dealing with a cancer patient and she seemed quite happy and lively one night when I was talking to her and I got hit with a major shock when I went onto the ward at 8AM for my morning shift and got told she had died just 30minutes before I arrived, I was also one of the people chosen to perform last offices which was a bit difficult too, especially as it was my first time doing that. The shock of it all made me emotionally and psychologically numb for about a week and I think it has to have been one of the more critical moments in my life.
Anyway this needs to be done so I apologise before hand *GROUP HUG*
 

alextchon

-chi
Kouhai
my second dog died recently and i lost my grandma when i was fairly young so i understand how you guys feel. From that i got this view on death. When we go out to seek a relationship whether sexual, intimate, friendship, family, we don't think of "when is this dude gunna die?" We first seek acceptance whether we're aware of it or not. Humans love acceptance and connection with other people and with a huge population like this we have a need to 'belong' somewhere. it would also put a huge dent in our self-esteem if we weren't accepted by ANYONE in a population over 6.5 billion.

Of course we are aware that relationships don't last forever but we shouldn't fight that. Its life, we gotta accept it. Also life would honestly suck c*@# if every1 was immortal. Death makes our time with our loved ones that much more special. People with diseases would suffer endlessly, war would never end, bad people could never be stopped, parents will never let go of their children, and children's children, and children's children's children (cuz of immortality).

Call me cold hearted but i think death is good. We have one life where we can make mistakes and it actually has consequences. Same for when we make good decisions in life. Also, sex is 32098432x more important because of death.

Anyways i'll sum this up in 1 sentence for the 90% ppl who didn't read the whole thing (don't blame ya).

QUOTE Don't cry because its over. Smile because it happened
- Dr. Seuss
 

warita200

-RETIRED-
Retired
seems that pet life expectancy is not very high where I live. We got a dog 5 years ago, he didnt even get to live half a year, a car hit him.

Yesterday I was informed, that our 3 years old cat got hit by a car. The street in front of our house takes a curve, I suppose thats why this keeps happening, drivers simply dont expect a curious puppy or a stupid cat to be on the road.

But still I cant help asking myself, why an animal with such an acute sense of hearing decides to cross the road, when he MUST hear the car approaching. Our cat never stroke me as stupid, he was a smart kitty, so playful, so full of life, so sweet at the same time. And now he is gone, my mother is ready for a mental institution. Funny thing is, I never really had a close relationship with the cat and now...... I miss him nevertheless. 3 years is just WAY too short.
 

Gustav1976

-sama
Retired
there are all sorts of reason why your cat got unlucky Wraita*hugs* maybe it's attention was on something acrss the road or maybe it was just the fact that it did hear but quite often when a cat realizes there's a car travelling towards it it will stop where it is out of shock momentarily. Also you do live na curve so maybe your cat misjudged how far away the car was when it was crossng
I still miss all the pets my family has had that died even from years and years ago. My mother has also yet to properly forgive my dad for the incident which resulted in one of our pet parrots managing to escape into the mountains of Portugal (stupid animal, it's not like it can even fly properly, the last time it did something similar we only managed to recapture it because it flew face first into a stone wall and stunned itself) it was an evil little thing but it had character.
 

ImTakes

sama
Retired
~Dad and Yaya...a conversation~
I watched...
I waited...
I listened.
I thought...
I was making ready...
To say goodbye,
to the one man,
I have loved most,
in my life.
My father.
My dad.
Mi Papa.
"He looks so tired," I thought.
He could barely talk.
"Daddy, just breathe, don't talk."
"Okay." He said, as he puffed.
I check all the tubings, no kinks.
I watch the monitor, "stable."
I love my father in silence.
I cry, as I watch, but no tears come.
I gaze at his hands...
honest, and hardworking.
Hands that tended the earthly gardens,
God saw fit, to give to my father.
Many reaped many benefits,
from the fruits of my father's labor.
A labor of love.
"To this day, we have never been able to find another
gardener like your father. He was one of a kind."
I smiled in gratitude, as I thanked Mr. and Mrs. Valencia,
for their kind words.
"One of a kind," my father was, indeed.
All honor and glory to God.
It was He who willed my father into being.
It was He who called my father home.
It was He who sought to release my father
from further suffering.
It will be He who will ease ours,
in having surrendered my father,
to Him.
The alarm goes off...my father's breathing is shallow...
dusky colored chin, pale lips.
The eyes once shone bright and so full of life,
those eyes I loved,
are dim now, as they leave us.
"Dad, it is okay to go now. We will never forget you.
We will love you forever. Rest now, daddy.
Go in peace and God be with you."
His eyes are now closed.
His oxygen saturation is low and dropping.
No more blood pressure, no more pulse.
My father's face is smooth as silk.
Handsome in death,
wrinkle free.
Still warm as he leaves...
my mother weeps in silence,
as she says goodbye,
to the love of her life.
We honor my father in love,
in thanksgiving,
in resignation.
In peace,
does he leave us.
And in peace,
may he rest.
Forever...
Amen~~~

Memories are to be treasured...and yes, we cry, and yes, we ache, but we know to the depths of our hearts, my father is free.
Thanks for allowing me to share this with all of you.
Written today, May 15th 2010.
 

nijlandp

-sama
Sempai
As i lost my grandmother last year i was glad that people listened and tried to help. It is a pleasure to help people who have lost someone important. It is an honor to be able to listen and share in someone's grief and offer support to the person who is hurting.
 

ImTakes

sama
Retired
QUOTE (nijlandp @ May 15 2010, 12:36 PM) As i lost my grandmother last year i was glad that people listened and tried to help. It is a pleasure to help people who have lost someone important. It is an honor to be able to listen and share in someone's grief and offer support to the person who is hurting.
Dear friend, I remember your having shared with me, about your dear grandmother's passing. I thank you. Your words for me and my family have meant alot, too. It was good to put down into writing what I am feeling, what I am reflecting on. I may share more in this thread, as time goes on...
 

judge lead

-chi
Kouhai
i felt what you said at the start was very poetic, but i wish i hadnt clicked here if im honest, but i'll put forth my, only new, experience of death.

this year i lost my grandad, and my grandmother and my great uncle, everyone seems to be dieing around me, but i havent shed a single tear, i feel sad, but i dont feel like i think i should feel. sometimes i feel nothing... is that wrong?

my wife to be thinks im a bit of a "robot" or i have twisted emotions.
for eg i feel sadder watching something like shuffle than at a funeral. why?

death is stange, is it a bad thing? i dont know....
 

hashiriya

-chi
Kouhai
QUOTE (judge lead @ Jun 18 2010, 08:54 PM) i felt what you said at the start was very poetic, but i wish i hadnt clicked here if im honest, but i'll put forth my, only new, experience of death.

this year i lost my grandad, and my grandmother and my great uncle, everyone seems to be dieing around me, but i havent shed a single tear, i feel sad, but i dont feel like i think i should feel. sometimes i feel nothing... is that wrong?

my wife to be thinks im a bit of a "robot" or i have twisted emotions.
for eg i feel sadder watching something like shuffle than at a funeral. why?

death is stange, is it a bad thing? i dont know....
Nah. I don't think it's wrong.. I have lost lots of close people at almost the same time too and I didn't cry. It's more of knowing that people die and it's no use crying and being sad. Also people show sadness through different things, tears aren't the only way to show it.
 

judge lead

-chi
Kouhai
QUOTE (hashiriya @ Jun 19 2010, 03:10 PM) Nah. I don't think it's wrong.. I have lost lots of close people at almost the same time too and I didn't cry. It's more of knowing that people die and it's no use crying and being sad. Also people show sadness through different things, tears aren't the only way to show it.
thanks for that, i feel more... normal now.
 

nijlandp

-sama
Sempai
Indeed you are normal.
People just react differently on losing someone dear. It all depends on who you are, how the person is related and how he/she died.
Just be yourself.
 

ImTakes

sama
Retired
QUOTE (nijlandp @ Jun 20 2010, 10:50 AM)Indeed you are normal.
People just react differently on losing someone dear. It all depends on who you are, how the person is related and how he/she died.
Just be yourself.
^ Agreed. I have learned the hard way, what it is to grieve, and what it feels like to long for someone you will never see again, at least, not in this lifetime. It is a hard thing to accept and endure and yet, one must learn to live on. My father passed away two months ago, and I can tell you there are times when I think I can do it, that I can move on and then suddenly, the desire to see him, to talk to him, to tell him how much I love him, comes at me, full steam...it is hard. Nothing, anyone can say, will ease the pain of such a loss...nothing. Yes, it does help to talk, to cry, and to be alone, but also, it helps to hope and to remember. The one gone will never leave us in the spiritual sense, but the physical loss, makes it hard to get by...still, everyone grieves, according to his own.
 

ImTakes

sama
Retired
In reflection...I share this one in honor of a beautiful lady who recently passed on into life eternal...she left many who loved her dearly.
So Sad...
"I am so sad.
My mother is dying.
She was a wonderful woman."
I listen to Ms. P
as she recalls her mother's
long life.
Mrs. P. lays quietly,
in repose.
Sleeping,
beautiful.
She was a robust woman.
Full of faith, life, love.
She endured a great loss.
She now will soon,
join him.
We wait.
We watch.
We listen.
Her daughter's tears,
are full and sad and painful.
"I cared for her for so long.
It pains me. How will I go on?"
I listen.
A sadness fills me.
Death...why?
Why must we die?
Why must we be left behind?
Why must we leave the ones we love?
I can only trust.
Only hope.
Not despair...no!
Hope! Yes...her daughter smiles now.
"My mother was a wonderful woman."
Yes, and now, her mama leaves her.
A slow death,
as her mother lingers,
one last time,
to love,
to endure,
to comfort,
her daughter,
now,
left behind.

I was made privy to be there, not at the time of Mrs. P's death, but beforehand to assist her daughter to make ready, to say goodbye and still...it is never, ever, easy. No matter how many times we see it come...it is hard, difficult, a blow to life.
 
Top