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#1 mohammed2006

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Posted 01 May 2006 - 07:49 PM

i think this is new.... Just write your jokes here.....ill start

1- There were tow drank man in a car the first one is driving and the second one is guiding the first one the 2en said (turn right turn right) the first answers (cant you see me driving you turn right)

2- One man get upset of his friend why?
Because his friend tolled him that hell gives him a half empty bottle but he gave him half full bottle

I know my jokes aren’t funny so let's laugh at your jokes laugh.gif

#2 CRMSON

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Posted 01 May 2006 - 08:01 PM

why did the chicken cross the road?

to get to the other side...AHAHAHAHAHAHA....


sry guys....but i just couldn't resist....lame isn't the word for this "joke" but hey....i think this is one "joke" that EVERYONE will recognize....heck...i consider this to be the grandfather of all jokes lol

anyways...when i find a much better joke....i'll be sure to share it with u guys...

#3 mohammed2006

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Posted 02 May 2006 - 12:47 PM

why cant people get maried form any one they want ?
because if some one from iceland maried some one from cooba
they will have an icecube hahahah

#4 ultima2096

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Posted 02 May 2006 - 01:53 PM

some quick toilet humour for you all

so whats worse than getting a worm in your apple?
-RAPE!-
--
why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
-Cos it was dead!-
--
why did the little girl fall of the swings?
-she had no arms!-
the answers are in white. in the '-'
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#5 scar_ishbalan

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Posted 03 May 2006 - 03:17 AM

-Mum! Mum! In school they call me te mafia guy
-I´ll "speak" with them tomorrow
-but make it an accident

-Mum! Mum! Heres smell like dead
-Mom? Mom?! MOOOOOM!!!

Mum! Mum! Dad is throwing all through the windoooooooooooow...

-Mum! Mum! in the school they call me the backstreet boy
-Who?
-Everybooooody

-Mum! Mum! In the school they call me the hairie boy
-dear! the dog is talking!
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#6 noob

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Posted 03 May 2006 - 03:28 AM

JOKE!


Get it? You don't? Well I guess you all have a bad taste in jokes after all.

Just kidding. Wow, how lame is that???
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#7 uchiha_hairie

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Posted 03 May 2006 - 03:31 AM

Mike ask his lecturer, "i hope to get a better mark"
The lecturer said, " dont worry, 0 is a number..."

what is the colour of happy cat?... its 'purrr'ple....


I wish to fly.... But until then, i'll walk.....

#8 ultima2096

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Posted 03 May 2006 - 10:00 AM

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: “You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window.” The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The 2nd Man says: “What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen.” 1st Man: “No it’s true, let me prove it to you.” So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window, and he takes the elevator back up to the bar. The 2nd man tells him: “You know I saw it with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke.” 1st Man: “No, I’ll prove it again” and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs, he urges his fellow drinker to try it. 2nd Man: “Well what the hell, it works, I’ll try it.” So he jumps over that balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors, and hits the sidewalk with a “thwack.” Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker: “You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk.”
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#9 mohammed2006

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Posted 03 May 2006 - 10:38 AM

to guys in top of a tall Building the first one said it will take 3 days to get down if some one jump from this building do you think if some one jump will still be alive ?
the 2nd answer ofcourse not 3 days without eating or drinking hell be dead
the first one ya i see

sory for my english i know that nobody will understand what l just said

#10 Souichirou

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Posted 03 May 2006 - 09:17 PM

I heard this joke from my high school networking class teacher. It's kinda pg-13 if you catch my drift and it's a bit long, though I had a good laugh out of it.

"A girl walked up to her dad and asked,"Dad, what does Hypothetical mean?". Her dad thought how to answer her question and said "Ok, go ask your mom if she would sleep with Fabio for one million dollars." The girl went to ask, and her mom said, "Well, for a million dollars I suppose I would". The girl went back to her dad and told her what her mom said. Her dad said, "Ok, now go ask your sister the same thing." She went to her sister and the sister said, "Sure I would, for a million bucks." She went back to her dad and told him. Her dad then asked, "Ok, now go ask your brother if he would sleep with Fabio for a million dollars." She went to ask her brother and he said, "Well.... For a million dollars.... I guess I would." The girl went back to her dad and asked him, "Dad, what does this have to do with the meaning of the word Hypothetical?" Her dad said, "Well, Hypothetically this family would be 3 million dollars richer, but in reality we live with two sluts and a gay teen."



#11 fourier

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Posted 04 May 2006 - 01:25 AM

What did the man say when he walked into a bar?
"OUCH!"

What did the other man say when he walked into a bar?
"Gimme a beer."

What did the mushroom say when it walked into a bar?
"NOTHING, because mushrooms don't have FEELINGS!

Answers in white.


A man is walking down a beach somewhere in California when he spots a lamp. He rubs it and what do you know, a genie comes out:
"For freeing me from my prison, I shall grant you one wish."
The man is shocked, but after thinking for a moment, responds:
"I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared of planes and boats take to long. I was wondering if you could build a highway to Hawaii."
"WHAT?!? A highway to HAWAII?!?! Do you realize how much work that is?!?! Have you considered the logistics of creating such a long structure through the PACIFIC OCEAN?!?! No, that is impossible, I'm sorry. Please choose something else."
The man is disappointed, but thinks for a moment more, and asks:
"I would like to understand women."
The genie pauses...

"So, would you like two lanes or four?"

oliovur

#12 uchiha_hairie

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Posted 04 May 2006 - 02:39 AM

Our friendship is great....

When you laugh, i laugh....

When you cried, i cried.....

When tou fall of from 10th floor building, i watch from upstair and said.... Fuyooo.... sure die ah....
I wish to fly.... But until then, i'll walk.....

#13 scar_ishbalan

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Posted 04 May 2006 - 03:00 AM

Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, "It´s getting hot in here, huh?" The other muffin says "Aagh! A talking muffin!"

This is from a magic the gathering card
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#14 xcouger

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Posted 04 May 2006 - 08:10 AM

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
laugh.gif I enjoyed this... hope you do too biggrin.gif
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#15 mohammed2006

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Posted 04 May 2006 - 09:21 AM

A man is walking down a beach when he spots a lamp He rubs it and what do you know, a genie comes out:

genie: I shall grant you any wish

the man: i want a big house

genie:if i had a big house i wont be living in this lamp

#16 xcouger

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Posted 05 May 2006 - 01:29 AM

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook" laugh.gif


Why are seagulls called seagulls? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be called bagels! biggrin.gif
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#17 Primula

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Posted 05 May 2006 - 01:35 AM

How many monkey does it take to change a lightbulb?

Don't know when the light goes on they scatter.


just to say I cant tell joke right.
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#18 hamasusuke

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Posted 05 May 2006 - 02:36 AM

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's kiitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen."
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#19 Asmodai

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Posted 05 May 2006 - 11:29 AM

A little harsh poems:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
A face like yours
Belongs in a zoo.

----------------------
Roses are red,
Pickles are green,
I love your legs
And what is between.

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#20 xcouger

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Posted 05 May 2006 - 02:25 PM

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.
The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.


The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, “Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped.” The boy replied, “I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved.”
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