Who can we Trust?

It seems today that trustworthy people are quiet hard to find........it seems as though a lot of people are out to help themself and themself only........doing wateva it takes to reach the number one goal....often abusing trust between others to an advantage of their own........

its just a thought anyways....


Everyone seems to have secrets that they tend to share with their friends....but what happens when this trust is betrayed? Do you, in turn, tell others about that persons secret?

i don't see the point in telling everyone else about the person's secrets because then you'd be just like them and you'd be just as un trust worthy.... even if it hurts a whole lot and you really really want to have some revenge it never works that well if that trust is betrayed i think i'd just cut the person off with no second chances. i may sound cold like this but its the only way i think is fair to yourself. Maybe the person is sorry and is willing to patch things up with you later but take into account how you feel.

yea i see ur point and it makes good sense......... but it seems that every time ur hurt....it only seems natural to push that person back....and in this case betray them back by spreading rumors and such....

I would also cut that person off....but the thing is.....what would you do if u had to see that person everyday at school or at work??

QUOTE (mibukyo @ Jun 14 2007, 06:05 AM) I would also cut that person off....but the thing is.....what would you do if u had to see that person everyday at school or at work??


I would say, that it is a good training for later. Because once you are an adult and you have to work, you will experience lots of situations like this. Especially when it comes down to money, friends turn out not to be your friends and co-worker friendliness turns into hostility when it comes to promotions and salary raises. Accept that ppl primarly watch their own interest and their main goal ist to have a better postion than you. Lots of ppl will pretend to be your friends just to stab you in the back, when it suits them. Thats how life works and the sooner you learn this lesson, the better.
As for betrayel at school, I guess it was nothing that serious. Well, if a friend of yours cant keep his mouth shut, or even spreads rumours about you, to damage your image, just ignore him. The more intelligent ppl will recognize his actions as a sign of weakness and character fault..... You can show threngths of character and maturity by ignoring his actions!!!

thats a very good idea warita200 ....thanks..........but do u think it would just be easier to beat that person to a pulp? after all it takes 42 muscles to frown at sum1 but only 4 to punch them in the face.......repeatedly..... ..............its tru that every does stab each others bacs.........but the problem is that everyone seems to tell u their burdens......and they feel better about it....but in the end.....your the only one bearing all others people burdens and it suks because this person showed trust in you only to stab u in the back later on.........then the whole patience thing comes to play....

Its true that everyone is out for number one....but isnt everyone in the same boat? even if they think they are superior.....we all heading to the grave arent we?


Its tru that maturity plays a big role in and its often the people who bite...are the people who are weak...insecure and very often unstable.......that leads to the next point...when people feel miserable....they often take it out on sum1 who seems happy....to make them miserable to make themself feel better........

would it be better to leave it all to KArma?? or shud destiny be in the hands of the holder?

please tell me wat u think about this

You see, that about everybody talking to you about his problems, is an issue I used to have when I was younger too. For some reason or the other, everybody kept telling me their problems and I was supposed to listen and to give advices. Hummmm, when I was younger, I never talked about my problems and god knows I had many and I suffered from deep depresions. So one day I was feeling really shity and I couldnt bear with it anymore. Then a friend of mine conversationaly asked me, how I am, so I started telling her a little bit about my problems and she cut me off: "Are you trying to ruin my good mood? I am not interested in your problems". And I was like: eehhhhhh....... because she was the one who kept bugging me with her problems almost on daily basis. And that day I understood an important matter. Ppl dont care about your problems, ppl care only about theirs and you know, you cant really expect much help from them either. The best thing is to try your best to get the problem under control yourself.... but at the same time you have no obligation to listen to their ranting either, right?
And thats what I did. I was furious about her reaction, but I didnt say anything and then couple of days later, she came up to me and started telling me some crap about her problems with her boyfriend and after a while she asked me what I think, because I was unusually silent and I said: "ehhhh, what? Did you say something?" well, she got the message.............

Look, ppl are the way they are and there is nothing you can do to change them. Sometimes it is difficult to accept the bitter truth of the reality and it is easier to say: BUT, thats not possible, how can he do it?????? I trusted him!!! And sink into self pity and such.... but you know, it doesnt really change anything. If you start looking at ppl the way they are, it makes life much easier, because you wont experience unpleasant surprises.

I am not saying, that there are no good ppl in this world, so please dont misunderstand me. I am just saying that the good ones are hard to find and it takes some time for you to notice, who really is a good friend and who will stab you in your back when it suits him. When a friend betrays you, regard this experience as sorting the bad ones from the good ones. You know a lot of ppl and you have an imaginary sieve and every time somebody treated you bad, he wasnt good enough and fell through the sieve!!!

PS: it is kind of hard to analize your situation, because you didnt say what exactly happend to you.

QUOTE (mibukyo @ Jun 14 2007, 10:05 PM) yea i see ur point and it makes good sense......... but it seems that every time ur hurt....it only seems natural to push that person back....and in this case betray them back by spreading rumors and such....

I would also cut that person off....but the thing is.....what would you do if u had to see that person everyday at school or at work??


that happened to me... it didn't really matter because you can just choose not to talk to the person... if you really want to just slug that person go a head - but that isn't a very mature or responsible way to react back... mostly i just ignore and get on with my life - people will backstab you again some time so just choose your friends wisely...

hmm actually its easier to make close trustworthy friends when you are younger because then the untrustworthy/unhelpful ones havent grown enough brains to conceal their true nature and their pettiness comes out some way or the other...thats why all my close friends are those who i befriended in 7th std...however as we grow older everyone realises its in their harm to act petty so they all seem relatively friendly but not too friendly so you often cannot gauge if they are actually your friends or not...cuz if everyone appears nice who do you choose?...so i generally dont trust anyone however nice they may appear...ill normally make an acquaintance with the person and only after a year or more will i start trustin them because how much ever you conceal your true nature will come out in the long run...also i generally give people 2 chances after which ill cut off ties totally with the person...even if you see them in school just ignore them or say hi and go talk to other people....in the end,the only real person you can trust is yourself though its a nice feeling if you can find another person to trust too....btw from my personal experiences i have always found that guys are waaaaay more trustworthy than girls who are more likely to be two-faced..girls generally build trust with people verry fast and break it even faster-thats why they keep bitching bout each other and fighting among themselves(no offense meant to the fairer gender here )...but really iv found that only those girls are totally trustable if they have a secret huge crush on you(so they wont harm you in any way)...but otherwise they are most often verrry untrustworthy...any opposition to this point?

I oppose. There are differencies between sexes, thats for sure and yes, girls tend to argue a lot more, because they are more emotional and they get upset more quickly. But men do the same thing, just in a different way. In fact men love to compete and they love to have a rival. The difference between the female rivalry and the male rivalry is, that females tend to put it more on display. Females talk a lot more and display emotions more easily, therefore it is more visible, when they bitch around like you said. But the same thing exists in the masculine world.

I wouldnt say, that females are not trustworthy. Quite the contrary, females are a lot more sincere than guys. Guys only think about themselves and they do whatever it takes to achieve their goals. Guys simply watch whats good for them and if it means to hurt somebody or take advantage of him, they do it. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I believe that the main weakness of females is, that they are too kind and too considerate. Guys dont know the meaning of these words, they simply do whatever they want and suits them and they are a lot more satisfied with their lives. Females should take an example from this and stop being so naive and considerate.
To sum it up, you can expect some really nasty stuff from guys, but you will rarely experience this from a female. So, I oppose, because I think it is the very opposite way.

You know, it does depend a lot on the person itself. When a female wants to be mean, she sure can do a better job on it, than a guy. After all females are better with emotions and they know where to hit to cause pain. But the rule is quite easy, avoid the sassy and obviously spoiled "bitches" and you are on the safe side!!!!!

lolz yea....thats a good answer....but the thing is how can u make wise decisions about sum1 if u have to know them before u make that decision?.....i talked to a girl and shes told me her problems and it worked vice-versa...everything seemed fine....until i told wat i did in the past.....from then on shes been giving me the cold shoulder ever since......which kinda sucks......but meh....wat can ya do....

hahah......and another question...how do u know if ppl are 2 faced? ive heard of ppl wearing masks....ive done it to the point were i almost went insane.......and i know for a fact that wearing 'that' mask allows ppl to see others ppl hurt but even so....im not sure if a mask or 2nd face will make a difference....

btw cheers for the help warita200, ubermensch and sam the bear.

lol, when did this become the battle of the sexes? i think females can and WILL be more vicious than guys plus they hold a much much longer grudge than most guys ^^ but for the generalisation that girls are less trust-worthy i'd like to put a stop to that notion. just like what warita said - just avoid the 'bitches' and you'll be fine ^^ its pretty easy to spot one a mile away actually - but i don't think guys know how to do that well mostly girls know who to stay way from - our 'bitch rayda' is probably built in when we were born - where else guys have to learn it takes awhile but it'll come with practice...

how to identify the 2 faced ppl? Now thats a hard question.

I will give you two advices.

1) Ppl who will look deep in your eyes and tell you how sincere they are and bla bla bla, and even tell you stories out of their lives, that ilustrate their good character..... those are the biggest liars ever.
Look, a person who really is sincere doesnt need to persuade you about his sincerity. Whereas a professional liar, who has had trouble because of his lies, has an interest in making you believe, that he is sincere. It takes a lot longer for you to notice, that a person whom you believed to be a good guy, is in fact an asshole and liar. Once you have established an opinion on someone, especially a good opinion, you dont want to admit, that you have been wrong and you keep inventing excuses, why that "sincere and kind" person is treating you this bad and keeps lying to you. And 2 faced ppl take advantage of this!!!
So in other words, the more somebody tries to make you believe he is a good guy, the less you should trust him!!! A really sincere person doesnt feel the need to make himself look good.

2) Watch how the person in question behaves towards ppl, who he believes to be on a lower level. A lot of 2 faced ppl treat their "equals" nicely and pretend to be friendly and goodie goodie, but they treat other ppl like shit, because in their eyes they dont deserve any better. You can for example pay attention when the 2 faced person tells stories out of his life. When he for example enjoys telling you stories, where he "let somebody feel his superiority, or humiliated somebody (it doesnt matter, if that person deserved it or not, usually there is always a reason, if you know what I mean), then you can expext the worst from him. To know how to "translate" stories out of somebody´s life is especially difficult, because it takes a lot of life experience to know how to read them. The person who is telling you the story will of course try to make himself look good and justify his action. You have to strip his action of the justification and look at it neutrally. I will give an example, ok? Once I was dating a guy and we talked about his previous relationship and I asked him about his ex girlfriend. And he told me, that he broke up with her about 3 months ago and I asked why. And he said: "well, we had a fight, because of some triviality and then she screamed at me, that she breakes up with me, so I did what I knew would hurt her the most. I took the engagement ring and trew it into the sewer". Well, I was left speechless, because he just showed me his other face. He did what would most hurt her? So the translations goes as following: 1)he is an asshole, because he likes to inflict emotional damage, 2) what he did to her, he will do to me as well, it is just a matter of time. So, I started to keep distance from him and as it later turned out, it was the right decision!!! He was treating me nice, because he wanted to make me his girlfriend, but I could tell from the stories out of his life, what kind of person he actually is. And I didnt allow him to fool me. Of course he always justified his actions, but that doesnt make it any better what he did, does it?
To put it simply, to avoid 2 faced ppl, pay attention to how they behave and look for alarm signals in their stories.

I dont know, if this makes any sense to you. I have found out, that one has to make this experience personally and go through the pain and enlightment, to fully grasp the idea. But I hope I could be of help.

QUOTE (warita200 @ Jun 15 2007, 07:24 PM) how to identify the 2 faced ppl? Now thats a hard question.

I will give you two advices.

1) Ppl who will look deep in your eyes and tell you how sincere they are and bla bla bla, and even tell you stories out of their lives, that ilustrate their good character..... those are the biggest liars ever.

2) Watch how the person in question behaves towards ppl, who he believes to be on a lower level. A lot of 2 faced ppl treat their "equals" nicely and pretend to be friendly and goodie goodie, but they treat other ppl like shit, because in their eyes they dont deserve any better. You can for example pay attention when the 2 faced person tells stories out of his life. When he for example enjoys telling you stories, where he "let somebody feel his superiority, or humiliated somebody (it doesnt matter, if that person deserved it or not, usually there is always a reason, if you know what I mean), then you can expext the worst from him. To know how to "translate" stories out of somebody´s life is especially difficult, because it takes a lot of life experience to know how to read them. The person who is telling you the story will of course try to make himself look good and justify his action. You have to strip his action of the justification and look at it neutrally. I will give an example, ok? Once I was dating a guy and we talked about his previous relationship and I asked him about his ex girlfriend. And he told me, that he broke up with her about 3 months ago and I asked why. And he said: "well, we had a fight, because of some triviality and then she screamed at me, that she breakes up with me, so I did what I knew would hurt her the most. I took the engagement ring and trew it into the sewer". Well, I was left speechless, because he just showed me his other face. He did what would most hurt her? OK, I can expect that kind of treatment from him sooner or later too, I started to keep distance from him and as it later turned out, I was damn correct!!! He was treating me nice, because he wanted to make me his girlfriend, but I could tell from the stories out of his life, what kind of person he actually is. And I didnt allow him to fool me. Of course he always justified his actions, but that doesnt make it any better what he did, does it?
To put it simply, to avoid 2 faced ppl, pay attention to how they behave and look for alarm signals in their stories.

I dont know, if this makes any sense to you. I have found out, that one has to make this experience personally and go through the pain and enlightment, to fully grasp the idea. But I hope I could be of help.
reason 1 is really true... its always easy to spot a liar because he'll do everything to convince you he is innocent - even things that go out of his way. i have personally exprienced reason 1 myself and it actually sickens me when people do that... i do know some people in my school who does what warita described and its always them and some other person involved in some fight or other that the year co-ordinator has to sort out because 'so and so has been back stabbing me blah blah blah.' i know this reason very well...

reason 2) i haven't actually exprienced it but it really makes sense especially when you think about it in context of the first reason. the first thing to do in judging if a person is trust-worthy or not is usually seen through the way they interact with other people as they might not be trying to manipulate that other person hence treating them with their 'true colours'

if you really want to see these things first hand - go to an all girl's school, its a daily occurance girls can get really vicious and when girls get started (especially when its in an all girl's envrionment) it is truly a sight to see...

wow......amazingly i understood what u said....and even though im only 17, i can easily distinguish fools from friends.......thanks for the advice warita200.........

ill elaborate on the 'mask'......this mask saved my lyf.....but it also made me unnoticeable from others......this mask protected me from ppl lies....it also allowed me, wen i had to retaliate....to strike a nerve so to speak.....so i was just wondering....is there a difference between ppl who were masks and 2 faced ppl?

i though u could tell ppl who lie by looking the way they speak......often ppl who tell lies tell it again but it always seem to cotnradict the first story they told....kinda lyk chinese whispers.....

WOW....ur really....how to say....its almost the same word as instinct.....intuition....i think thats the rite word.....thats sum good adive......

ill give advice to guys out there
" old meat attracts flies " if u understand this proverb.....u'll also know which girls to stay away from...

aye......wat happens when the person that betrays is one of ur immediate family members?.... i've had a few encounters and even then...i can only learn to trust myself and only myself....

hey actually another good way to find out if a person is 2 faced is to get them totally angry and pissed off once cuz that is when their real fangs come out...cuz if they are puttin up an appearance and you do something that angers them then they will find no reason to continue that appearance for much longer....unless they are truly what they are....reason for their anger should obvi be sumthing totally trivial cuz its just to gauge their personality-just an argument over sum political standpoint or color of your toothbrush( ) or whatever....
btw sorry if i angered any girls regarding my views cuz they are mostly based on my personal experiences as in-in our school generally everyone has their own group of friends but only my group has remained intact and survived over the years while all the girl gangs generally become verry verry close over a matter of months and then totally implode by backstabbin,catfights and other interesting methods...and also from my experience i can say that while some guys(verrry few) are assholes most are rather sincere and verrry emotional(waaaay more than girls cuz girls will get emotions about 1 thing and change their emotions the next-im tokin about emotions regarding other people like love,like also over here)....though actually its probably the reason might depend on the person themselves and the social environment...cuz in my school there are verry few girls and lotsa guys(120 to 30 or sumthin) so prolly each girl needs to have her own identity and thus when she is feeling overshadowd by another girl who is getting all the attention from other ppl she might feel jealous causin her to fight with her "best-frend"...while in warita's case the social environment might be diff so she experienced guys bein more meaner there...i do obvi agree girls are more friendly than guys,im just wondering bout trustworthiness

Trust yourself?! What kind of answer is that, obcourse I trust myself and practically many others trust themselves too. I would have to go with my family though, I can always trust them, mostly my mom I guess. I rarely lie to my family, I tell them everything, mostly because I hate lying. I feel bad inside when I do. But I can trust my family for everything and mabey a few friends.

My closest friends are completely trustable, as is my boyfriend. My family I don't trust as far as I could throw them.

hahah very cool replies so far.........but ubermensch....you know how u said to make them agressive and stuff.......wat happens wen they just try to beat u to a pulp......coz i thinks it gonna be quiet difficult speaking wen ur eating food through a straw.?.....

cheers

QUOTE (mibukyo @ Jun 16 2007, 01:44 AM) hahah very cool replies so far.........but ubermensch....you know how u said to make them agressive and stuff.......wat happens wen they just try to beat u to a pulp......coz i thinks it gonna be quiet difficult speaking wen ur eating food through a straw.?.....

cheers
hahaha eating through a straw would suck but hopefully they wouldnt get so angry to the point they would react with violence

ubermensch - i dont really agree with girls being friendlier than guys. Some girls may but I have found that more guys tend to be friendlier and make better friends than girls.

When I transferred schools to the states I was stuck in an all girl gym class and not one girl spoke to me at all until the very end of the year and that was only one girl. But in all my other classes where I sat next to boys, they would speak to me and we would become friends.

I found that most girls (don't want to offend others but in my experience I have found that to be true) are two face. I don't like to rely on anyone because in the end I find myself for lack of a better word screwed. I have more guy friends than I do girls and I could probably rely on almost all of them. Though I have met a few girls I could somewhat trust but not with major decisions or with my life. The girls I have met really only look out for themselves and will say to hell with you if you don't do what they want or don't act submissive to what they want.

I've never been that way and so I tend to piss off alot of girls.

I think I can only really trust myself because everyone else is pretty fickle. I could trust my mom with some matters - I can talk to my mom about pretty much anything. and my dad but more with my mom.

i just trust people based on how i feel about them, for instance i don't trust my friends at all almost and i trust my girlfriend way more than family