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Self Worth and the perception of others


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#1 xxanime_junkyxx

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Posted 20 September 2006 - 07:08 PM

have you ever felt like your self worth was being measured by the way you look, dress, friends and your intelligence? your outlook on life was being valued by the marks that you are able to score in school? your ranking in life being measured by the type and number of friends that you have? your personality weighted by your looks and the way you dress? is it just me, or the fact that i don't understand anything that's going on in school, i dress like a hobbo [ha ha, not literally], and having insincere, and self-centered friends mean that in today's society my self-worth can be measured up to zero?

is it just me, or is life really like this?
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#2 warita200

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Posted 20 September 2006 - 07:17 PM

I think it is the opposite way around. The more confident a person is, the more popular he/she is.
When you are "different", 2 things can happen. When you dont have enough self confidence, you are a weirdo. If you believe in yourself, everybody thinks you are cool.
But I do agree that coolness is often meassured by how many friends one has..... mad.gif

#3 chiisai_hana

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Posted 20 September 2006 - 11:47 PM

All the time? But then I know I lack self-confidence. However, even if people do have self-confidence and are popular, I'm sure they worry about these things too! I think it's just a natural reaction to want to feel important, and to someone, you are happy.gif
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#4 Kazin

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Posted 21 September 2006 - 12:54 AM

Yea, so I can't change the universe, the world, or any other giant floating celestial body, hell, I can't even change a lightbulb... So does that make my life worthless in the scheme of things?
Yea, pretty much. Our lives are too insignigfigant to really change anything.

Do I care?
No, not really.

I mean, come on, screw self-worth. People shouldn't have to live their lives worrying about ridiculous concepts like self-worth. I'm not going to go cry because I didn't cure cancer and that the Kazin Stock didn't go up 5% today.

Who is the asshole who even coined the term self-worth? The term implies that your life has a monetary value based on how effectively you spent your time. That's utter bullshit.

The only time wasted is time spent thinking about how you wasted time. So, I say screw thinking about self-worth and social status and worrying about if your life was worthwhile and just have a good time.
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#5 shinji777

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Posted 21 September 2006 - 01:59 AM

Hmmm for me i think some people do intend to measure a person’s self-worth but i think it is wrong to judge a person on how they look, how smart they are and how many friends they had. In my opinion it doesn’t really matter on what kind of self-worth a person has as long that you believe in yourself and have faith in your own free will.

Like Kazin-san just said, "The only time wasted is time spent thinking about how you wasted time" therefor i think you dont really need to worry too much about your self-worth. Being true to yourself and being happy on how your life goes now is the important thing. ^^
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#6 xxanime_junkyxx

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Posted 21 September 2006 - 02:17 PM

QUOTE (Kazin @ Sep 20 2006, 08:47 PM)
Yea, so I can't change the universe, the world, or any other giant floating celestial body, hell, I can't even change a lightbulb... So does that make my life worthless in the scheme of things?
Yea, pretty much. Our lives are too insignigfigant to really change anything.

Do I care?
No, not really.

I mean, come on, screw self-worth. People shouldn't have to live their lives worrying about ridiculous concepts like self-worth. I'm not going to go cry because I didn't cure cancer and that the Kazin Stock didn't go up 5% today.

Who is the asshole who even coined the term self-worth? The term implies that your life has a monetary value based on how effectively you spent your time. That's utter bullshit.

The only time wasted is time spent thinking about how you wasted time. So, I say screw thinking about self-worth and social status and worrying about if your life was worthwhile and just have a good time.

i know what you're saying is very true, but i think that it is very idealistic. no one is immune to wondering how other people perceive them, no matter the consequences. i'm not saying that i believe that i have a self-worth of zero, i'm just saying that in today's society, doesn't it seem like those are the standards to "be" something?

one thing i don't get, what's the point of being popular when half the people don't like you? how does that make you 'popular'? huh.gif
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#7 warita200

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Posted 21 September 2006 - 02:28 PM

QUOTE (shinji777 @ Sep 20 2006, 09:52 PM)
In my opinion it doesn’t really matter on what kind of self-worth a person has as long that you believe in yourself and have faith in your own free will.


now you are contradicting yourself.... because that what self worth is about. To believe in yourself and have faith in your free will.

#8 windfinder

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Posted 21 September 2006 - 02:44 PM

Huh... I never really considered it that much. I usually more concern myself with what I think about others... I understand the pressures of a social atmosphere, but I never really get stressed/worried about it. After all, if they don't like me I don't want anything to do with them anyways! biggrin.gif

Maybe I can understand this in relationship to finding a mate. Society really pushes/measures your worth in concerns to this one.

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#9 malfion

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Posted 22 September 2006 - 12:06 AM

If you don't believe.. then you may as well be without a soul... a persons self esteem is important, and if they think that they "suck" then they're just making hell for themselves.
I'll put something here again, someday.

#10 xxanime_junkyxx

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Posted 22 September 2006 - 03:12 PM

it sucks because there are so many people out there who don't have any self-esteem in themselves at all. ironically, those people tell others to have more self-esteem (im not saying anyone who has put up a post has low self-esteem).
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#11 Ehren

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Posted 24 September 2006 - 09:54 PM

QUOTE (xxanime_junkyxx @ Sep 22 2006, 11:05 AM)
it sucks because there are so many people out there who don't have any self-esteem in themselves at all. ironically, those people tell others to have more self-esteem (im not saying anyone who has put up a post has low self-esteem).

I used to be one of those very people. biggrin.gif I was great at morale-boosting and elevating others self-esteem/self-worth, but my own was lacking in the extreme. It must be similar to how people hate others when they see something they don't like in those people in themselves. I suppose it's like salt in a wound.

What I find amusing is that people perceive your age by how you act. If you act goofy/carefree people will naturally assume you are young. If you act mature and serious, people will assume you are older. I laugh everytime someone mistakes my age. smile.gif I wonder though if I will ever be taken seriously since I cannot seem to sit still or be cynical long enough for people to notice.

#12 xxanime_junkyxx

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Posted 24 September 2006 - 09:57 PM

QUOTE (Ehren @ Sep 24 2006, 05:47 PM)
I used to be one of those very people. biggrin.gif I was great at morale-boosting and elevating others self-esteem/self-worth, but my own was lacking in the extreme. It must be similar to how people hate others when they see something they don't like in those people in themselves. I suppose it's like salt in a wound.

What I find amusing is that people perceive your age by how you act. If you act goofy/carefree people will naturally assume you are young. If you act mature and serious, people will assume you are older. I laugh everytime someone mistakes my age. smile.gif I wonder though if I will ever be taken seriously since I cannot seem to sit still or be cynical long enough for people to notice.

it's true, it is lyke salt in a wound. i think i am one of those very people myself, great at giving advice and boosting other people's morales, but ironically i don't have much myself...

and also i act quite immature at times! but people never seem to get confused with my age, i think it's my physical appearance or something...guess i'm too tall! laugh.gif
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#13 Ehren

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Posted 24 September 2006 - 10:14 PM

QUOTE (xxanime_junkyxx @ Sep 24 2006, 05:50 PM)
 
it's true, it is lyke salt in a wound. i think i am one of those very people myself, great at giving advice and boosting other people's morales, but ironically i don't have much myself...

I would like to know however why people with self-worth/self-esteem (I dubbed them emo-troubles whenever I talked about them to my friends) reach out and help others, rather than lash out like people who have money issues who see other people slandering money away? Not that all people with emo-troubles help, some people do, it's just this weird blip of helpfulness that's on radar that confuses me. smile.gif I mean is it that by helping others out that we are able to believe in our own self-worth maybe?
QUOTE
and also i act quite immature at times! but people never seem to get confused with my age, i think it's my physical appearance or something...guess i'm too tall!

Maybe it's a bit of both I've been mistaken to being 3 years younger than I actually am. I've always been mistaken for being the 'freshman' in schools (excluding elementary). Middle school for instance, people assumed I was in 6th grade when I was in fact an 8th grader and had been going to the school for two and half years! ohmy.gif :shocking: Same with high school and likewise with college. It's quite frustrating.

#14 postindustrialist

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Posted 25 September 2006 - 06:33 AM

bleh. delete that post.

here's the deal. my experience is that almost everyone has a self confidence issue and most of them who bring you down are the people who use others to boost their own ego. there's also people that your successes or trials and tests in life will make others think only less and less of theirs and they're worse than the first group because often enough that's the last thing you want to do:bring others down. after all, bringing others down unintentionally only brings you down further than they are.

you're kinda screwing yourself if you let the view others have of you be your own self image.

so figure out the best self image you can make for yourself and be it.

for me it was simply being someone who sought to do whatever needed to be done because that was what mattered. i was no better nor any worse than anyone else, and anyone who put a little time and effort into whatever they pursued could do as well as me.

hey, it worked.

as for seeming older or younge than you are, i perpetually have been deemed older than i am.

I'm almost 25. (oct 30th)

*shrugs*

that's all you can do in my experience.

#15 warita200

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Posted 25 September 2006 - 06:53 AM

About trying to help others with their self esteem..... I made the experience, that if you try to make a person with low esteem see his own strenghth..... he will desperately deny it. It seems to me, that a lot of ppl with low self esteem actually enjoy it (in a self destructive masochistic way). They like to pity themselves, they often make themselves even weaker and more useless as they are and they cry about it all the time, asking for pity. So when you tell them: "lookie, it is not as bad as you picture it, you are good at this and not everybody is perfect. You have your strengths as well!!" They often get almost mad at you.... they try to persuade you, that they are indeed very useless. I wonder why some ppl with low self esteem do that?
It also seems to me, that ppl with low self esteem want to be perfect. They wont be satisfied untill they are as rich as their friend Tom, as good at school as Jim, as good looking as Johnie, and so on. Know what I mean? They want it all, and since that is impossible, they will continue wailing in their misery!

#16 xxanime_junkyxx

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Posted 25 September 2006 - 10:37 AM

QUOTE (warita200 @ Sep 25 2006, 02:46 AM)
About trying to help others with their self esteem..... I made the experience, that if you try to make a person with low esteem see his own strenghth..... he will desperately deny it. It seems to me, that a lot of ppl with low self esteem actually enjoy it (in a self destructive masochistic way). They like to pity themselves, they often make themselves even weaker and more useless as they are and they cry about it all the time, asking for pity. So when you tell them: "lookie, it is not as bad as you picture it, you are good at this and not everybody is perfect. You have your strengths as well!!" They often get almost mad at you.... they try to persuade you, that they are indeed very useless. I wonder why some ppl with low self esteem do that?
It also seems to me, that ppl with low self esteem want to be perfect. They wont be satisfied untill they are as rich as their friend Tom, as good at school as Jim, as good looking as Johnie, and so on. Know what I mean? They want it all, and since that is impossible, they will continue wailing in their misery!

i think what you're saying is very true. when someone with a very low self esteem is told to cheer up then they do deny it. i think it's the fact that they like the attention that they are getting, and they feel that they aren't being neglected anymore. therefore they will continue to pity themselves so that they can get that attention. it's kind of a catch-22. when you are feeling helpless, when others acknowledge that you have a low self-esteem problem then it kind of makes you feel good about yourself? i dunno how to say it, but it's this feeling that finally someone is acknowledging you...ha ha..i dunno if im making any sense, but i've had experience with this feeling before (not as much anymore).....sometimes it's hard to put feelings into words... unsure.gif
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"Pity and compassion are privelages that are reserved for the strong. And I am...strong!" -Vino (Baccano!)
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#17 Grifith

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Posted 25 September 2006 - 01:22 PM

You say "(not as much anymore)" but how do you feel about yourself now?
Stand Alone

#18 warita200

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Posted 25 September 2006 - 02:01 PM

self esteem and me... I would say mine is low... I have had a hard childhood, I have been subject to non stop abuse in school and at home too. It is hard for me to believe in myself. Sometimes I think that I am pretty lucky in my life, I am relatively smart, I dont have any health problems, my looks arent so bad either..... but sometimes I get depressed and dont see any sense in life. There were times in my life, when I thought I couldnt bear with it any longer..... but I was too much of a coward to put an end to my misery.
Right now I feel, that my life has taken a new turn. I am satisfied with my life (more or less, it is human nature not to be satisfied, no matter what!) But I still have hard time interacting with ppl, Some ppl think I am arrogant. When I hear that, I always have to laugh. If I was arrogant, then that would mean I consider myself superior, right? And when I am superior, then I dont have any self esteem problems, right? Maybe that arrogance of mine is more of a self defence mechanism I developed over the years. So, in case somebody thinks I am arrogant, please dont think that. smile.gif

#19 postindustrialist

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Posted 25 September 2006 - 05:49 PM

QUOTE (warita200 @ Sep 25 2006, 09:54 AM)
self esteem and me... I would say mine is low... I have had a hard childhood, I have been subject to non stop abuse in school and at home too. It is hard for me to believe in myself. Sometimes I think that I am pretty lucky in my life, I am relatively smart, I dont have any health problems, my looks arent so bad either..... but sometimes I get depressed and dont see any sense in life. There were times in my life, when I thought I couldnt bear with it any longer..... but I was too much of a coward to put an end to my misery.
Right now I feel, that my life has taken a new turn. I am satisfied with my life (more or less, it is human nature not to be satisfied, no matter what!) But I still have hard time interacting with ppl, Some ppl think I am arrogant. When I hear that, I always have to laugh. If I was arrogant, then that would mean I consider myself superior, right? And when I am superior, then I dont have any self esteem problems, right? Maybe that arrogance of mine is more of a self defence mechanism I developed over the years. So, in case somebody thinks I am arrogant, please dont think that. smile.gif

i empathize with you alot on this, and these days alot of times people view my actions and deeds superior or incredible in comparision with theirs. i obviously cannot vocalize agreement with this without seeming as though i am arrogant. yet to vocalize they are just as capable as i am or simply that bad circumstances and obstacles in my past that have forced me in some ways to dedicate time towards improving my abilities for the sake of survival seems to them as either farcical or degrading to them.

it's within others that their opinions of meexist, my own opinions of myself i refuse to vocalize to the general public, most of which isthat i'm no better or worse than they are, I'm a human being with strengths and weaknesses and if i'm good at something, fine. if not, fine. I'm not the best, i'm not trying to be, I'm simply trying to perfect myself.


#20 warita200

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Posted 25 September 2006 - 05:57 PM

I think a nice way to improve self esteem is to find a hobby, or simply something that interests you and be good at it, just for your own sake. Then you can look back and say: Yes, I have managed this. It was a hard piece of work, but look at me, I did well.
That leaves a nice warming feeling in your heart and helps the self esteem a lot.
smile.gif




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